LITTLE MISS MXYZPTLKS

Ivy: "I'm not sure there's enough closet space."
Serena: "Are you speaking literally? Because there are closets galore."
Ivy: "Beach traffic gets me down."
Serena: "Are you speaking literally? Because where in LA is Carmeggedon not an issue?"
Ivy: "Look, bitch..."
Real Estate Agent: "Better give me a down payment on this apartment you don't want!"
Ivy: "No thanks, I..."
Serena: "Here's my trust fund checkbook. Oh wait, I don't have it because why would I have it. Hey Peepers, how about you put this down payment on this apartment you clearly have no interest in?"
Ivy: "I do not think I can cover that amount with my trust fund checkbook, which I have on me for no reason."
Serena: "Please, as if money is something that ever runs out! Are you speaking literally? Or... Wait, hold up. Are you saying to me loud and clear over and over that you don't want to live with me? Using every possible excuse to get out of it in a fairly transparent way?"
Ivy: "Please don't make that sad face. I'll write this lady a bad check on somebody else's account if you'll stop being sad."
Serena: "Being me. It is really something."

POTHEAD BOYCHICKS

Doctor: "Stop fracturing your ribs, stop getting road rash, stop meeting strange boys in alleys, stop puncturing your lungs, stop having a high pain threshold."
Nate: "I think that's actually just all the drugs he's constantly doing."
Doctor: "Oh, do you?"
Nate: "I mean, just kidding."
Doctor: "No, I'm not the kind of doctor that would care about that. Just make sure he doesn't accidentally kill himself with all those drugs he's been doing and continues to do. Maybe if I were a different kind of doctor, I would think there was medical interest in this fact, but honestly I'm not even a doctor. I just met your mom in the woods, where she has started a cult. Anyway, I'm glad he has somebody to depend on. You seem like a nice boyfriend."