Gossip Girl
Beauty & The Feast

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A
YOU GRADE IT
Beatrix Slaughter

TRUMPED-UP MEDIATRIX

Nate: "Cougar! Why are you here at my house? Go back to Cougartown."
Cougar: "I am not here to see you, I'm here to see your mother."
Nate: "She is in the garden, drinking mouthwash out of teacups. I know you're here for me. For Brothaniel Snarchibald. You don't fool me, ya old cougar!"
Cougar: "I just bought The New York Spectator, and I wanted to interview your mother for my inaugural article on the disgraced wives of dirty businessmen, but she got huffy with me. She was a regular Arianna Huffington with me."
Nate: "If you tell me your name, I will tell my mom to give you the interview. I will tell her you are Queen of the Cougars and you need her to settle a complicated land agreement between the Cougars and the Squirrels. Then you will smoke a peace pipe."
Cougar: "You never really had a chance, did you."

DYNASTIC POLITICS

Beatrice: "Your fiancée is bulimic!"
Louis: "There are so many other things wrong with her that you're just looking pathetic."
Beatrice: "Do you know what bulimia is? I know English isn't a first language for either of us, so you might be confused. Since we're speaking in it."
Louis: "She said you were hectoring her about rules and things, maybe that made her barf. Or your horrible fragrance."
Beatrice, horrifically enough: "You never did understand la psychologie des femmes. I guess I will just have to prove it to you."

LEASE-PAYMENT GOLDBRICKS

Ivy: "Hey, lady. I gave you a bad check and I need it back, secretly. Also we don't want to live in your stupid apartment. Also, please tell that giant blonde whatsit to stop running my shit."
Realie: "You talk to her yourself. This apartment has been down-paymented and leased and you already live here and your stuff is here and your name is Peepers now."

MORNING SICKNESS YARDSTICKS

Dorota and Blair loll around on Blair's bed being pregnant and chatting about it.

Dorota: "Saltines only thing I eat for months with Ana."
Blair, just to be a bitch: "Well, that was not the same. Your people are bred to work through these conditions. Give birth in a field."
Dorota: "No fields in Krakow. And I have birthing suite at Lenox Hill."

Louis & Beatrice: "Are you guys taking une nap? On el bed?"
Blair: "Stop it already."
Beatrice: "I have rewritten the laws of time and space to invite my sexy priest friend and the entirety of our population to come celebrate the Assumption with you in your living room. Your wish is granted!"
Blair: "This is so stupid."
Beatrice: "It's a Feast! With food! Get it? Because of how you used to be bulimic? Anybody? Hello, is this thing on? Does anybody know what a bra is?"

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