Chuck: "Unlike Serena, when I rejected you I meant it."
Dan: "Unlike reality, you think that would stop me."
Chuck: "Look, unless you're going to wrestle me to the ground and get that Brooklyn sweat all over me, I need you to leave."
Dan: "I need you to sexually assault some bank employees. Also, I'm trying not to be worried about you as my brother. Is there a chance you're melting down because Blair Waldorf is going to the Feast of the Assumption in exile, as previously decided mere seconds ago in that last scene?"
Chuck: "Humphrey, you know nothing about our situation."
Dan: "I hate feeling left out! Don't say that. I know all about your situation. Your situation and I were talking about on the phone last night and I'm not telling you what we talked about. Your situation invited me for a sleepover on Friday, and I am taking a sleeping bag to school. It is going right in my cubby. So that it doesn't get dirty. And Friday night, we are going to make popcorn balls, and you are not invited."
Chuck: "Yeah, you kissed her? But I fucked her, at a Bar Mitzvah, so how about you drop the Vanessa Abrams act and stop pretending you know anything that's going on."
ibid., verbatim: "That hurt? Wish I could feel it."
CRAKE & ORYX
Max: "I am just a ray of sunshine in this cold hard life."
Ivy: "We gotta move to Portland immediately. Just like everybody else."
Max: "Did your audition for the role of Cousin Peepers not go well?"
Ivy: "No, it went too well. Serena bought us a house and a pony and some Tupperware and I think we might be common-law married and it's so fucked up right now and just, trust me, we have to run. Get your shit."
Max: "We'll be like Bonnie & Clyde, without the killing and robbing and car chases. Basically if Bonnie & Clyde were normal people who weren't notable in any way."
Ivy: "Well, once I go off my meds it's a crap shoot."
Do you realize that when you say "'97 Bonnie & Clyde" you are also saying, "What was I doing fifteen years ago? Did I like Marshall Mathers fifteen years ago? Was I offended? Was Elton John relevant at that time? How did I become so old? How can I become young again?"
ENTER THE MATRIX
The sexy priest is named Father Cavalia, and he will also be marrying Louis to Blair in their wedding that is so actually happening. Everything he says sounds like you're about to make out.