Gossip Girl
Beauty & The Feast

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A
YOU GRADE IT
Beatrix Slaughter

Dan honestly thinks about going to find Chuck Bass, and then GG's little tracker microchip inside Chuck's body tells him exactly where Chuck Bass is. Reality!

TROUTMOUTH FLICKS

Wonderful Max: "And for my final course, a hot peach clafouti, inspired by my hot girlfriend Ivy."

(The only people who say my hot girlfriend or smokin' hot wife are dorky unattractive Christians, because they still can't believe they get to have intercourse. Or because they are gay. Usually both.)

Ivy: "Which of these wedgies makes me look more like I'm trying desperately?"
Max: "Is this for an audition?"
Ivy: "You could say that."
Max: "Listen, apropos of nothing, let's move to Portland at the end of this episode. It would solve all your problems, and you would get to be with me. An LA 6 is a Portland 10, and I'm already a 10."
Ivy: "Let's discuss this later, after I lose my shit entirely."
Max: "We could use that invalid checkbook you stole from Aunt Carol last year, that I don't know about."
Ivy: "That's one of those trust fund checkbooks that only works once. Due to how using it would be several different kinds of fraud."
Max: "My smokin' hot girlfriend is a stickler! [Verbatim] I just don't want to end up like everybody else who comes to LA with dreams, only to find that LA is the place where dreams come to die. Or you get those weird lips that everybody here has."

It's called an Overton Window. It started with Meg Ryan. There is no escape.

SQUAWKING ARCHEOPTERYX

Louis: "[French stuff.]"
Dorota: "[Dorota stuff.]"
Blair: "Yeah, I can't say I'm too excited about meeting your sister, considering how your mother is a fucking monster."
Louis: "My mother and my sister hate each other even more than you hate other people."

Louis's horrible sister Princess Beatrice arrives, smelling like pork rinds and looking like Charlotte Gainsbourg's understudy. Bra check: Nil.

Blair: "Jesus, you smell terrible."
Beatrice: "It's jasmine and clove oil, from Africa. Do you like it?"
Blair: "I am pregnant, so fuck you. No."
Beatrice: "Next time I'm in Africa, I'll pick up some for you. Since they don't have those things in every bodega and Body Shop in the entire universe."
Blair: "Seriously, I cannot see straight. It's like your body is physically rejecting my presence. It's like Silent Hill right now."
Beatrice: "I've always longed for a sister!"
Blair: "I've always longed to like myself. But being a princess would work too."

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18Next

Gossip Girl

Comments

SHARE THE SNARK

X

Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP