LONG CONS & DIPSTICKS & MONEGASQUE TRIPTYCHS
Serena: "Crazy how you're in LA! Tell me many lies."
Ivy: "Done. Aunt Carol doesn't know that I'm here, just that I'm doing okay. Also, if you check my story she will totally cover for me, because this was all her lunatic plan anyway. I am taking my meds! I am acting. It's been nice seeing you. Too bad you have to go back to NYC for 'school.'"
Serena: "There are so many ways in which that is funny. School, heh."
Ivy: "You... Aren't leaving town immediately after this brunch so I can continue my life?"
Serena, verbatim: "I must be a genie, because your wish is granted! I'm staying!"
Ivy: "But I didn't... That wasn't my..."
Serena: "The producer offered me a job, we're meeting up later! Your wish is granted!"
Ivy: "So you're not ever going to be leaving me alone, then."
Serena: "Your wish! Is granted!"
Blair: "Well, it's been great swallowing bile and smelling you and checking out your weird body and face, but I guess you have to get on that jet and jet, yes? To your principality? Away from me?"
Beatrice: "No. Your wish is granted!"
Ivy: "Serena, your education is very important. I think you should get on back to Columbia."
Serena, verbatim: "Well, I'm taking the semester off, and I'll see how things go after that."
Ivy: "Serena, you take literally every semester off. Every time this show comes on you're taking the semester off. You went to one six-week seminar, which you managed to turn into an Incomplete for the entire class by fucking the teacher, feeding him to wolves and then trading him in for his cousin. Who was also a teacher you fed to the wolves. That's the extent of your transcript."
Serena, verbatim/awesome: "My only issue is living with CeCe. Last night, at 2 AM, her bridge game turned brutal. A neighbor even came and complained."
Sit with that for a minute. Montecito, drinks in hand, trumps and suits and the rest, and then somebody's best-left-uninvited friend-of-a-friend's over the table in her, ahem, Michael Kors. The pearl-snatching, the hat-flattening, the broach-stabbing. The Marble Faun arrives from next door and is decked, falling to the parlor floor. The fight spills out into the gardens, past a clumsy recreation of the Trevi Fountain CeCe keeps forgetting to have taken out.