Yeah, you're really giving the kid a gift that'll keep on giving. How great it will be for him when Grandma Lily and Grandpa Rufus get a fifth divorce next week. How marvelous when Lily drives Milo to suicide the first time. How much love it will take to get him on the pole, stealing horses, or fucking married Congressmen. "Nobody has more love than you and Rufus, unless your teenager wants to be a fashion designer, in which case love means tossing her ass out on the street." "Nobody has more love than you and Rufus, unless your child has been shot to death in Prague."

Georgina then produces a mysterious Secret Paternity Test that Dan didn't know about, which clearly states that Dan is the father of the child. Since he was willing to believe it just because he's an idiot, this only firms his belief, but Rufus isn't so sure. I love how Big Strong Rufus can't even look a grownup in the eye, but with kids he's like constantly throwing down the gauntlet.

"Jenny, I will punch you in the neck for having dreams. Charles, I hope you die of syphilis in Prague, and thanks for saving my wife from getting raped that time at the opera when all I could do was gasp and stare. Georgina, I would prefer your child die an orphan than give you the time of day."

Although it's not as awesome as Lily's nonchalance about the whole Chuck situation and Rufus's endless whining. "Frankly, she was a lot better behaved at that point than when she was a drug-dealer. Her manners were really unacceptable when she was running drugs. What do you want me to say? Look, I tried. So my kid had sex with her? Somebody was going to. She was on a mission. Eric barely escaped. It's over now. I'm just glad she's in Hudson, and I no longer have to deal with her constantly moving that goddamn sewing machine in and out of various rooms."

Serena tries to explain to Blair that Columbia isn't hers as a concept, which is very true actually. She only just thought of going to Columbia like in the finale. Plus, apparently it was all Dr. vdDubs that talked her into it, because after all that's where he went to med school (apparently), and whatever, she wants to stay in the City and not go to Providence. Mostly because she wants to be with Blair.

Secondarily because she wants to overshadow and continually ruin Blair's life, is what B hears, but it's making less and less sense. What does make sense is Blair's actual issue, which she's not verbalizing very well but basically comes down to the entire season last year, where she fucked up at NYU and then spend the rest of the season in bed with Chuck pretending to be his wife and succumbing to depression: "I need a chance to succeed on my own. I want to be myself, where I belong." Instead of validating this, Serena decides to compare notes: Fell for married Tripp, major car accident, often homeless, the whole vdDubs thing. When you say it like that, it almost sounds like last season wasn't totally boring. Then Serena van der Woodsen of all people goes, "Blair, I want to make you happy. I really do. But college is too big of a deal." She really has gone through a sea change, has she not? College: A big of a deal.