But instead what really happened in Prague was that girl treated his wounds herself because she didn't know about doctors, and while she was doing that he was roiling around remembering that one scarf he used to own and his intense rape history and all the times Dan punched him and how Blair dumped him and how he kind of deserved it, and when he finally woke up, he got rid of his signet ring and told the girl his name was Henry Prince, as in the former Prince Hal, because of her copy of Henry V.

Eva was that kind of liberal red-light district girl who doesn't know of medicine, but keeps bound copies of Shakespeare around that just happen to mirror the story of every dissolute yappy that gets shot on her doorstep, providing ready aliases and something to read on those long, medically DIY nights. They always told her she'd prick her finger on a spinning wheel, or fighting grindylows for the Aurors, so she's headed to Paris.

Where she's talking in a very low voice about how he keeps having terrible dreams even though he has never looked hotter and his hair is so great, and her French uncle has given them an apartment and a job -- which no doubt will involve tossing fish or hauling baguettes in a striped boatneck, if I know this show -- so they can start over with his fake amnesia. I guess the mugger (got mugged by somebody who then) went to Paris, and was himself mugged and killed? Perhaps the ring is cursed and only endless muggings will result until Blair has it on her finger. Or maybe this all happened months ago and he's still dead, just ironically from getting shot in France three months after getting shot in Prague and not from the original getting shot. But I doubt it. We make our own fairytales. Bisou bisou.

Look back at the juiciest moments from the third season of Gossip Girl.

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