Georgina yells on the phone in Russian until she finally wakes up Milo, of whom it's safe to say she's fairly fond, and then when the phone rings again she yells in more Russian, but it's Rufus instead. She puts on that crazy smile she has and is like, "It's so great to hear from you!" But the lack of Dan's signature on Milo's birth certificate concerns her, and so we see the scheme unfurl. Well, to the point that we knew there was a scheme and that it had to do with the baby and now that's been confirmed by Georgina staring holes in a birth certificate.
Meanwhile, Vanessa has taken Dan for a little walk slash intervention. He says the word "episiotomy," which is quite enough, but at least Vanessa gets to make a joke about avoiding the topic of her "Georgyna," and then he begs her not to tell Rufus and Lily about his baby. She points out that he's making no sense, and he agrees.
"Maybe because I'm totally freaking out? Do you know how difficult it is to keep a baby alive? You can't drop it! You can't leave it alone! It has to eat! Like every three hours!" And thus, if Dan's mind is blown you can bet Rufus's will be. Vanessa asks the sensible question of how, since Georgina Sparks is crazy and a liar and a doomsday scenario at all times -- and constantly does things like film murderous coke-fueled threesomes and send them to people's moms -- has he made sure that the baby is actually his? Dan's like, "Sort of, not really." He tries to explain this but it continues to not make sense. "It was actually my idea for her to move in. I've been waiting for the crazy shoe to drop... But it never did." Vanessa points out that even Georgina's hair lies, and that you can't trust the things that come out of her mouth, much less her pudenda, but the takeaway is apparently that Dan's been tricked into thinking paternity tests are an urban myth or something.
Louis is driving, Jean Michel is in back, when they arrive for the date. Because, you see, Louis is the driver and Jean Michel is the Grimaldi. Which, you can forgive Blair for forgetting that all of this already happened, because the only thing that happens more often than royalty dating Blair and pretending to be non-royalty is the concept of Serena getting to date the prince while Blair has to sweep up all the ashes every night and get poked in the eye by little goblins when she's trying to sleep on a cold, cold hearth with only dry leaves for a bed.