The girls are playing Rock Band in their underwear when Nate and Juliet get there, and I guess it's one of those Hayes Code-esque deals where we're supposed to imagine worse things going on than there are. Do these girls all know each other? How did this come about? Why did they buy a video game with Nate's credit card? Why is Juliet so offended? I'm missing something. Well, they're wearing lingerie and one of them is wearing the purple suit, so there are indications that it's off the chain, but something about the scope of the depravity isn't coming across, and so when Juliet is like, "What would Chuck Bass do in a situation like this? He wouldn't be in this situation? Neither should you be," and takes off, leaving Nate his card and a sinking sense of self, the only thing that I can think of is that it's relatively early in the day to be having a slumber party at a strange Archibald's hotel suite.
Dan and Lily play with the baby and he asks after Serena, and Lily says she knows damn well something happened, but she doesn't even have the capacity to imagine how low-key that was. They drank wine, they kissed, he thought for five seconds about following her to France, he blew it off. No big. Plus, Dan points out, now you've got the idea of Serena as a stepmother, which is hilarious and terrifying on many levels. Dan asks Lily not to tell her daughter about his baby, and Lily's like, "You know Serena, she's always having fun." She's not really paying attention because she wants that baby.
Blair's telling the boys how clumsy Serena is -- "must be all those long limbs" -- when Serena comes back into Baccarat, looking stunning despite having nearly drowned, because this is the world of Serena. They ask her what happened and she's like, "Blair happened." It would be tiny bit funnier if she looked like the girl from The Ring, but since you literally cannot make Blake Lively look bad it's just mostly funny. She asks Jean Michel to walk her home, and Blair whines about being left with the chauffeur, and Louis reveals that they knew all along that Blair ain't playing with no broke-broke and now he wants to take his leave, probably to go stare at that painting some more, because she failed the test. The SAME TEST.
Georgina watches Dan napping with Milo when Vanessa calls to apologize to Dan, so she promises to give him the message that Vanessa will always be his friend (trans. "Crazy in love with him"). "That's sweet," says Georgina, "He's gonna need a friend." Why? Because she is walking out that door and never coming back! But doesn't want to tell him that she's leaving him with a baby! Phase II Complete! So Vanessa's like, "Yeah, if you don't give him the message, I already left it on the voicemail" and Georgina grins: "You know me too well, friend. Goodbye, Vanessa." I really hope this scheme makes sense and is complicated and surprising. Anyway, she bounces like Paltrow.