Gossip Girl
Belles De Jour

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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The Reeling

Serena's eighth boyfriend of the day is so not interested in letting her chat with B about her "real live prince" she just met, and all of her Monaco dreams that she is now filling up with bizarre yeasty craze. After some relatively adept GG wordplay ("Spotted: B&S, chic and cheerful up on Boulevard Haussmann. They dallied at department stores and stayed a while at Tally Weijl. Down on Rue Saint-Honor? They courted couture at Palais Royal and found the perfect outfits to ba&sh the competition..."), Blair sets to Googling her Grimaldi prince.

Serena is horrified, because for once one of Blair's weird nonstop fantasies actually came true -- a mystery hottie actually approached her, in the sad little tracks she was wearing into the rue from one tourist destination to the next -- and she's trying actively to ruin it through thinking. This is not the Serena Way. Blair finally agrees, and so Serena tries to change the subject to the course catalog that somehow founds its way, Hogwarts-esque, to their hotel.

Blair gets a text, interrupting: "I want to hear all about how Brown offers a major in raw foods, but..." Turns out it's a double-date, they're going to Baccarat, and his buddy Jean Michel is coming along. Serena -- note -- tries once again to recuse and defuse herself and the situation, pointing out that this is Blair's "princess moment" with the obvious unspoken corollary that Serena cannot help but outshine and ruin those, but B's not having it. She's got crown jewels in her mind. S puts off ruining both Blair's date and Blair's life for a little bit later in the evening, because she is a true friend.

Georgina yells on the phone in Russian until she finally wakes up Milo, of whom it's safe to say she's fairly fond, and then when the phone rings again she yells in more Russian, but it's Rufus instead. She puts on that crazy smile she has and is like, "It's so great to hear from you!" But the lack of Dan's signature on Milo's birth certificate concerns her, and so we see the scheme unfurl. Well, to the point that we knew there was a scheme and that it had to do with the baby and now that's been confirmed by Georgina staring holes in a birth certificate.

Meanwhile, Vanessa has taken Dan for a little walk slash intervention. He says the word "episiotomy," which is quite enough, but at least Vanessa gets to make a joke about avoiding the topic of her "Georgyna," and then he begs her not to tell Rufus and Lily about his baby. She points out that he's making no sense, and he agrees.

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