Gossip Girl
Belles De Jour

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
The Reeling

"Maybe because I'm totally freaking out? Do you know how difficult it is to keep a baby alive? You can't drop it! You can't leave it alone! It has to eat! Like every three hours!" And thus, if Dan's mind is blown you can bet Rufus's will be. Vanessa asks the sensible question of how, since Georgina Sparks is crazy and a liar and a doomsday scenario at all times -- and constantly does things like film murderous coke-fueled threesomes and send them to people's moms -- has he made sure that the baby is actually his? Dan's like, "Sort of, not really." He tries to explain this but it continues to not make sense. "It was actually my idea for her to move in. I've been waiting for the crazy shoe to drop... But it never did." Vanessa points out that even Georgina's hair lies, and that you can't trust the things that come out of her mouth, much less her pudenda, but the takeaway is apparently that Dan's been tricked into thinking paternity tests are an urban myth or something.

Louis is driving, Jean Michel is in back, when they arrive for the date. Because, you see, Louis is the driver and Jean Michel is the Grimaldi. Which, you can forgive Blair for forgetting that all of this already happened, because the only thing that happens more often than royalty dating Blair and pretending to be non-royalty is the concept of Serena getting to date the prince while Blair has to sweep up all the ashes every night and get poked in the eye by little goblins when she's trying to sleep on a cold, cold hearth with only dry leaves for a bed.

Blair kind of throws a shit-fit right in Louis's face about being a chauffeur, but he's super gracious like French people always are, and Serena tries to get her to class her shit up: "He's charming, handsome, and loves Manet. We make our own fairy tales. Let's go." Blair sits in the front seat with the driver, acts like a dick about it, and they head off into the night for what I'm sure is going to be a hell entirely of Blair's devising.

Eleanor accessorizes Lily with a nameplate reading "Lily Bass Humphrey," so people will know she once mattered. Rufus doesn't even have the balls anymore to be pissed about this, and says that, as a former rockstar, he wants to stick around for all the champagne and models. I'm not sure what's sadder there, the "rock star" or the "used to be" that preceded it.

The subject somehow changes to how Rufus hopes that dead Chuck is dead, while Lily just finds the whole disappearance is mysterious and intriguing. "Apparently he went to Prague in May, checked into his usual suite at the Mandarin, and never checked out. His credit card charges are very un-Charles-like: Second-class train tickets, prepaid cell phones." She points out that he is a part of the family and Rufus makes some point that exists only in his mind that he doesn't accept Chuck as part of his family.

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Gossip Girl




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