"Here It Goes Again" was playing, because nobody yet knew how Jenny was going to end up in a cast by Christmas trying to replicate those Stairmaster moves. Alison noticed that Dan was pieless, and he admitted that the pie was roadkill due to his heroic saving of a certain girl. And since the Humphreys were and are the kind of indigent and destitute poor people that live in a top-floor loft in DUMBO -- a hair's-breadth from homelessness, really -- he could not procure another, even by batting his eyelashes and cheekbones at the alarmed piemaker, and so the Humphreys had to go another Thanksgiving without pie. Alison put a brave face on it, calling him a "real-life hero," and Jenny pointed out that Dan has never seen a girl, much less saved one, but soon figured out that he was stalking the usual blonde he stalked at school. "A thing for blondes? You are your father's son," Alison laughed, shaking her lustrous blonde locks and giving everybody the shudders. "Not just any blonde. Apparently, I like the ones who get drunk on Thanksgiving and almost die." Alison pointed out that this was also his dad's MO, back in the day, but takes pains to point out that the dangerous and troubled blonde she's now brought up and discussed at length for no reason was a troubled blonde other than herself. Dan's solipsistic little mind was blown by the fact that his parents not only persisted in their existence when he went away or closed his eyes, but that they even discovered and had relationships that did not include him. He never recovered.
Lily, Alison, and Rufus do a little one-act play called, "This Is Very Awkward." It goes like this: "This is very awkward." "No, it isn't!" "I kind of feel like it is!" "Well, that's because you're being weird!" "You're being weird!" "Your blonde mom is being weird!" "Children, it is your blonde mom who is being weird!" "My name is Rufus Humphrey and I have no accountability!" "My name is Alison and I am unwelcome!" "My name is Lily van der Woodsen, and I am worth my weight in Humphreys! I will put our coats in Dan's room, even though I don't know where it is located, because I have never been here!" "I will snatch those bitches and put them in Dan's room, because I am his mother and I vaguely remember where his room is located!" "I have been a bad little rock star! All of the children in this room may or may not be my children! Get to work! Eric and Jenny, napkin duty! Serena and Dan, water glasses and candles! Blonde ladies of my acquaintance, now we are alone! Let's get weird!"