Dan and Little J hop out of the cab and say goodbye to Blair -- for some reason it made me really happy to hear Dan say, "See you later, Waldorf" -- and discuss how weird Thanksgiving was, and is, and always will be. Jenny surmises that maybe taking a leaf from the Unmentionable Bohemian and dragging their mother back to Brooklyn was a bad idea. They discuss how it's so weird to think that your parents had lives before you existed, because self-obsession is the prerogative of the young, which is why teen dramas. They wonder if Lily's okay, and what happened while they were gone -- and I would point out that those kids could have been abducted and sold to Gypsies at gunpoint while the adults were tossing around ultimatums and barbs without even an inkling that their kids had just scaled a building to get away from them, because self-obsession is not merely the prerogative of the young, which is why TV -- Alison and Rufus come running up with the old pigskin. God, that's so Humphrey. That's so Humphrey I can't stand it. "It's Thanksgiving! Our fake marriage is real! Nobody ate anything, now let's toss around a football! That's what Americans do, right? Let's do that! Later we can go to the farmer's market and drink some milk right from a cow's teat, or whatever else is dumb!"
They talk a particularly Humphrey-flaccid kind of smack, and Dan chastens his father for keeping his Lily secret, and because Rufus is so in need of guidance that he will allow even his own son to parent him, he agrees. "Given the ick factor alone, I would say that you set my progress back by at least several months." By this I think he means, "I am gay like you always thought, but now it's your fault." Rufus, on the assumption that you can always get gayer, gives him this speech about how could anybody related to Lily ever resist a "Humphrey Man," and I swear any time either of them say "Humphrey Man," punch yourself in the nuts, because that's how it feels from over here. Rufus admits that he caved, and sucks, and that Lily won't be stopping by for dinner again anytime soon. "Your mom and I need to focus on the future, not the past. That's a lot easier for all of us without her around." They stare at each other a bit; I don't know what they're thinking, but mostly I am wishing that Alexander Bancroft would come and fuck Lily's brains out and make Rufus cry real Humphrey Man Tears. Dan runs off to join his mother and sister, and Rufus squeezes those tears back inside, because he just sold himself out in a major way and he knows it.