Gossip Girl
Blair Waldorf Must Pie!

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 3 USERS: B+
YOU GRADE IT
Felt Up & Fingerprinted

Blair's first words when Serena comes into the bathroom are ashamed: "I didn't mean for it to happen." Serena sits beside her and strokes her hair while she cries. Trying again to tease it out, without getting the tiger excited: "I...didn't see your dad downstairs." Good guess, but not the top problem right now: "My mother just decides everything, you know? Everything in the world is just totally up to her." Serena pulls her to her chest and kisses her forehead: "I know." She holds her there, on the floor, and finally tells her they need to get out. Blair refuses to go back to the party, and for the first time in history Serena refers to Chez Humphrey as "a place a little more sane." Which, comparatively, it is; which anyplace would be, Blair points out. She's not really exaggerating. They smile at each other, and Serena wipes her tears, and holds her close.

Dan and his mom walk along the waterfront, discussing Alison's historical throwdowns with Lily van der Woodsen. Alison is fairly awesome at this time: "I focused on transforming my anger into art. I made some collages. I wrote a trilogy of one-act plays about her. Named the character Milly, to try to be, you know, subtle." Heh. Dan can be forgiven for siding with Alison, considering she's his mom, and also Lily is a total bitch to him all the time: "So what was so bad about her? And I mean aside from the superior, fluttering eyelids and punishing sarcasm." You get the Lily you deserve, kids. Alison, now that she's out of the house, gives a very measured and intelligent response: that Lily was Rufus's first love, and brought it up as often as possible, and that's hard to deal with. Especially when you're Alison and you get Cs on every area of the Lily report card by which all men and women should be judged.

Back at the loft, it's a half hour before Rufus summons up enough to courage to go talk to Lily about the coincidental-yet-awful exploding Thanksgiving 2007. She of course starts in about how dare he allow her to just walk into the minefield like that, and he rightly points out that he had no idea she was coming. "At the very least, you knew that Serena would come home and tell me all about the wonderful Thanksgiving she had with Dan, his father, oh, and his mother. Is this really how you think I deserved to find out?" Which I thought was bullshitty, but I see now what she's saying: that Rufus would be using their kids to give her the kiss-off the same way he used their kids to woo her, which is by not actually actively doing so, because he is so very Rufus in every single way.

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Gossip Girl

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