Gossip Girl
Blair Waldorf Must Pie!

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 4 USERS: A-
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Jenny's overjoyed to have her mother home, all asking her about the healthful qualities and nutritive value of heavy cream; Alison's overjoyed to be home, cooking and cooking and cooking until her family will finally just give in and forgive her before they pass out or explode. Dan calls her on the overfeeding borne of guilt, and she's like, "You got me, but check out how much more twisted this could get, because Eleanor Waldorf is about to tie binging and purging, guilt and parental mistakes, and Blair's entire body into a barfy little bow." Gotta say, I don't hate Alison in this episode much. She's got a lot of BS going on, but ever since that whole "The price of loving musicians is dealing with musicians" speech last time, I'm kind of on her side. In a world where Lily van der Woodsen was less than the most perfect creature in creation, I wouldn't give it a second thought, in fact. Jenny draws a line in the sand and says that one side of the kitchen is positive -- that is, living in a fantasy world where Alison and Rufus belong together -- and the other is negative -- that is, full of self-importance and Dan's usual bossy bullshit. Dan offers to join the side of goodness, naïveté, and opening the cranberry sauce. Because he is a man, you see, this is the limit of his ability to cook. I wish he would just make out with Chuck already. I miss Chuck. And the Minoriteens. There's another character missing this week but if you say her name three times, she might show up, so I'm keeping quiet about her. I do not miss her. Her ass is, I'm sure, in Vermont having dinner with her no-doubt fabulous parents, hectoring them about free-range this and tofu wheatloaf that, and chaining herself to the turkey.

Blair's going wild looking for her father Harold's "famous" pumpkin pie recipe, as jacked from Mr. Bobby Flay. "Look at you!" Serena giggles. "Quite the chipper sous-chef!" Blair smiles demurely that she is, occasionally, in a good mood. "Sometimes because I increase my Lexapro, sometimes because my dad's in town." Heh. Serena does her best to poke the manic balloon, because what if the real reason is not Gay Harold but in fact because Blair is in a relationship with the devil himself. "You and Nate get back together?" Um, no, not since GG.net went public with those pictures of him and "some skank" that we know was innocent Little Jenny Humphrey and not a skank at all. (Yet.) Serena does her best impression of a sleuth and fails miserably, asking offhand what Chuck is doing today. I'm saying! "Why are you asking me?" Blair rolls her eyes with another "here we fuckin' go" as Serena attempts to be subtle. "Well, you guys are friends...and Blair, look. You know you can tell me anything. I'd be the last person to judge anyone." Go ahead and stick those giant fingers right in the tiger cage, why don't you? Blair's like, "Yeah, because you're a whore!" Serena ignores the snapping of the tiger's jaws, of course, because this whole episode is about how you can look directly at the worst thing about a person and then somehow love them anyway: "Blair, I saw you with Chuck," she says, canapés repeating on her at the thought.

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