Gossip Girl
Blair Waldorf Must Pie!

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 4 USERS: A-
YOU GRADE IT
Felt Up & Fingerprinted

Dan calls for no real reason, and Serena manages to tear her eyes off the spectacle of her mother, who looks likely at any minute to lead the shopkeepers and stall merchants in an improvised rock tribute to Thanksgiving pageantry. She tells him about getting the boot from Blair but rolls her eyes instead of telling him why, and then chuckles in a disarming, ironic way: "Good news is, my mom is gonna slice us up a pumpkin. Oh, and there's a duck!" Dan doesn't get the train-wreck humor because he is incapable of irony or letting anybody live their lives, and tries to swoop in once again and save her from Thanksgiving's evil. "No, no, no. You can't eat duck and raw pumpkin on Thanksgiving. Uh, you know what? I'm the guardian of Vanessa's sister's van for the weekend, and we here at the Humphrey Manor have an oddly large kitchen table." Of course that character's sister has a van. It smells like Cheez Doodles and failed aspirations and dusty amplifiers. While Lily and Eric continue planning their depressing Thanksgiving -- "we can starve in a fragrant hotel room!", Eric giggles -- Dan offers to pick them up and bring them to DUMBO, where the Humphreys live this week. Serena gets off the phone and turns the crazy eyes on her family: "We're not starving! Look, I got us into this mess, so I'm gonna get us out of it." Lily, already dreading this plan, begs her to elaborate. "Thanksgiving at the Humphreys'! Dan invited me, and Eric's friends with his sister, and his dad's really cool." Eric punts the pumpkin, and Lily swallows a whole mess of horror about Rufus and how "cool" her daughter finds him. Then she and Serena laugh terrifyingly into each other's faces, like so: "Ha ha ha! Ha!" and "Heh heh? Ha?" And you know, even if I weren't secretly dating somebody's married father, I would still be loath to have Thanksgiving at the Humphrey house. Of the two forced, creepy kinds of cheer, give me Lily's desperation and fakeness over whatever the cheesy fuck goes on there any day.

Serena was gorging on potatoes and Blair was doing her best to avoid them. Carbs and all. Harold located his pie recipe and summoned his daughter, and Serena managed to avoid about sixteen faceplants in the process of just sitting in a chair. Harold welcomed Serena sweetly to dinner, and she grinned backwards and upside-down at him, arching her back, sending out a mighty hooting "Woooo!" Eleanor offered her daughter a canapé and was rebuffed, but soon learned that Blair ate fifteen of them that morning, sending Eleanor's worry ping-ponging back across the table. It was scary when her daughter purged and it was scary when she binged, because it's the same illness either way. On a related note, Blair covered for Serena, shaking her awake at the table; Harold promised his wife that Blair was fine: "She has been for two months. What did the doctor say? Don't drive us crazy, okay?" Like what Eleanor needed was perfect Daddy stepping in once again. She kissed her husband's cheek, and he smiled warmly, and I don't think any of us are in a position to judge anybody else's family, not really.

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