Gossip Girl
Blair Waldorf Must Pie!

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 4 USERS: A-
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Felt Up & Fingerprinted

Back at the Palace Hotel, Lily has come down with a case of the Humphreys in a major way, and changed into a dressing gown. Eric and Serena promise to stay home with her if she's not feeling well, and there's a knock at the door. Is it Dan? No, it is room service! Guess Lily's appetite was only pretending to have disappeared. That's a real "Lady Or The Tiger," isn't it? Room service at the Palace, or Dan Humphrey? They both come with a lot of doilies and hidden costs. "I lied," she admits. "All I care about is that you two are together. I don't want to be an imposition." Serena protests, and Dan shows up with his stupid van. "Bold choice of attire, Mrs. van der Woodsen!" he cutes. Either he's getting better at it, or I'm getting some kind of aversion-therapy Dan threshold. "Um, unless it's what they're wearing on the runway these days?" Serena scornfully blows her mother's spot about "sicking out" because she doesn't want to be imposing, and Lily promises she's fine curling up with a "good book." Dan points out that Nicholas Sparks is not only not family, which is what Thanksgiving is all about, but also implies that Nicholas Sparks is not worth reading in the first place. Far be it from me to side with Dan Humphrey's teenage snooty concept of literature, but when the kid's right, he's right. "I'm not taking no for an answer. In fact, I'm not even asking. You are coming with us. I'm adult-napping you!" This last said with such charming self-congratulation that I am just completely confused. He's doing the same horrible shit that he always does, yet both Lily and I are without defense. Must be hunger. She grumbles and goes to get herself dressed, and he pushes it over the line: "Make it snappy, I'm double-parked. Thanks!"

Since the invention of voicemail, there have been five voicemail messages that were rated the most adorable, the most awkwardly vulnerable and sweet. Lily leaves them all behind: "Rufus, it's Lily. Um, your very persistent son insisted that I join you for dinner. I want to remind you that my kids do not know that we are friendly, and I would like to keep it that way. That said...I look forward to seeing you."

Dorota dresses Blair as she commits herself to yet another soliloquy about how Thanksgiving is her ritual with Harold, and how unbelievable it is that he didn't even call. Dorota's like, "Um, call his ass yourself. Your mother is a vicious and chronic liar who will do literally anything to control you in the mistaken belief that she knows best, and because she desperately needs to exert control over her surroundings, just like the bulimic she turned you into. Also, I'm thinking pearls with this outfit."

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Gossip Girl

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