So Agnes is at some wheatgrassy café hung over in a big floppy hat and Lennon glasses and like a sweater-cape, drinking VITAMIN WATER for the healthy VITAMINS and the hydrating WATER of it all, and Jenny walks in screaming at her about how she's not answering her phone and they still don't have a manager and it's Jenny so she's all, "Don't you understand? This afternoon is the last chance I will ever have to get a business manager and if I don't do it in the next two hours, my entire life is a lie!" Agnes tells her to tone down the screeching and have some tequila or a Xanax, and Jenny gets all in her face about the list of bad choices like leaving home and hurting Wufus's feewings and then Agnes has to go vomit which is what happens when Humphreys talk about Humphreys to non-Humphreys, and while she's in there shooting wheatgrass and VITAMIN WATER All over the place, Jenny rifles through her belongings, just like Vanessa taught her, and sets up an Agnes-free meeting with that guy from before.

So the weird traumatic/homoerotic subtext of having not one but four creepy old dudes trying to live vicariously through Dan's Complete Lack Of Talent is not intense enough. And Dan's just added the extra-creepy layer of Bart and Rufus's sexual conquests and competition and somehow managed to insert himself into that weirdo sandwich in some way where it's like a Möbius strip of weird now, where he's simultaneously substituting himself for Lily and Chuck in Bart's life, and Bart's so lonely and hungry for his virgin blood that he's buying into it, so then vortex of all gayness Chuck Bass comes running in just as Dan and Bart are making a date to go to the hockey game, and Chuck starts squealing about how it was supposed to be him on the date with his own father and now his former jail buddy and homoerotic rival for Nathaniel Archibald is going on the date with his father and... My brain just exploded. This is so fucking fucked up, and anyway Chuck runs away and cries and whatever and apparently now Dan's dating Bart Bass and saying shit like, "I thought your Dad could 'show me the ropes,' if you know what I mean. Um, I was just leaving."