Cyrus and Eleanor go over the budget for Blair's Intense Eighteenth, and Cyrus is like, "Eighteen dollars a peony? You're not paying for flowers, you're paying for the florist's Madison Avenue rent! Let me fill this whole penthouse with peonies for you, but please for the love of Christ let me buy them wholesale," and B is feeling her control freakery getting threatened and pushes back a little bit before saying, loud enough for her mother to stare curiously at her, "I am Grace Kelly, Grace Kelly is me." Cyrus takes the hint that she's going to go ahead and have her fucking peonies her fucking way, and changes the subject to how he heard that Eleanor loves Cyndi Lauper, which gave me a sinking feeling in my tummy, because who doesn't love Cyndi Lauper, but stunt-casting Cyndi Lauper makes everyone look desperate. You, me, the show, Josh Schwartz, Stephanie Savage, Cyndi Lauper, Squirrel Nutkin: everybody pays for this.

You know how I hate gay icons and campy stuff and being told what to like and think and feel and say, and also house music? Similarly, I hate Cyndi Lauper's new album. And her album before that one, and before that one, and basically all the way back through the ages to 23 May 1989, which was the last time she tried, because she realized shortly thereafter that the gays, they're not so discerning and they don't really need you to try, they just need you to provide a repetitive and annoying beat so that they can dance to it, and for you to dress fabulously -- just like a fabulous drag queen that is secretly also a lady to start with -- at all times, and attend their never-ending parades and protests and whatever obnoxious compulsory shit that keeps you a gay icon until that's all you are, and then you become a one-woman cottage industry of Liking Gays Inc., and something that was once bright and special inside you, turns out, died a few miles back. And then and only then, you start in stunt-casting for quick cash on Will & Grace and As The World Turns and Queer As Folk and whatever's even gayer than that, like that super gay show Gossip Girl, and then I have to write about it, and that's what happened here.