Okay? But there's more!
While I was breaking the news to Alice, Kim-Ly was killed in a surprise attack on her village. I was devastated. But I always knew in my heart that what I'd felt for Kim-Ly was true love. And I think I was too much of a romantic to stay forever in a loveless marriage. So ultimately, Alice and I parted as good friends. I'd always hoped I could feel something like that again, and now I have, with your mother.
DUDE, that wins the universe! Gossip Girl can't even quit right now! The time warp of the Upper East Side is actually spreading out in time and space and has already reached the Viet Nam conflict, whereby his marriage dissolved -- because he was in love with a Vietnamese girl named GOLDEN LION, y'all -- and yet he has a son who is at most 23 years old that somewhat recently graduated RISD... Or else he's in his mid-thirties which makes his putting the college moves on Serena even creepier, except... I lost track. Anyway, B has no problem buying this story because she lives in the UES and she's used to it, but unexpectedly, she falls in love with Cyrus Rose, the whole story, the doomed drama of it all, the... the Golden Lion of it all. I have to say that Leighton Meester has chemistry with everybody, but there are sparks shooting out of the TV whenever she's talking to Cyrus Rose, for real. She's so appalled by him and charmed by him and appalled by how charmed she is by him, it's like the opposite of the Chuck thing which makes it the same as the Chuck thing, if you see what I'm saying. It's adorable.
Serena calls up Aaron and asks him to go to "one of her favorite spots for a change," and he's like, "Me? Jump through hoops for you? Are you retarded?" And the answer is kind of, because she wants to go to the "old puppet theatre in Central Park," and he's like, "I'll be totally doing that, when I magically go all Benjamin Button on myself back to when puppets were awesome, but until them I'm getting hummers from every girl in the entire world right now." She hangs up with a hateful face at Imaginary Cecil, and Gossip Girl tries desperately to get her ass under control: "Looks like B's prophecy came true: One day you're a muse, the next, you're old news!" But GG, plenty of women have been both lover and muse to famous artists such as Picasso.
Blair makes that face where it's like she has changed horses midstream and no longer wants to do evil to Eleanor and Cyrus, but hasn't quite worked that out for herself, so she's in the phase where she refuses to admit the existence of horses or streams or that gravity exists, and so she must destroy everybody even though she's totally creeped out by herself watching herself do this, but also like she deserves this punishment from herself for even daring to think about deviating from the plan? You know the face I'm talking about? She tells Eleanor precisely enough of the GOLDEN LION story to draw a connection to Harold's cheatin' ways, and Eleanor crumples up a little bit and wanders around and B stares at herself in the mirror, like, "What. Am I going to do. With you."