Gossip Girl
Bonfire Of The Vanity

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
Agnes Troublé!

Scott Smith's secretary fucks everything up by accidentally calling Agnes to confirm Jenny's next super-secret betraying meeting with Scott Smith, and you can see a little switch behind Agnes's eyes go click and you realize the super-dramatic upcoming death on this show might just be: EVERYBODY.

"Echo" is playing at Blair's party. Seriously. Didn't that album come out approximately seventeen years ago? Weren't we like in kindergarten when this song came out? Weren't most of our household appliances powered by wisecracking dinosaurs when this song came out? Wasn't God still tinkering with the animals of Australia when this song came out? Wasn't Ed Westwick a teenager when this song came out? Whatev, Queen B. Have some VITAMIN WATER and buy something from Bluefly and listen to this CD that came out before CDs were invented. Isabel is wearing a gorgeous black dress -- everybody's in black and white, just like I'm doing at my own birthday prom this year -- and Nelly Yuki is wearing a lovely simple silver sheath dress and those glasses and a giant necklace, and Hazel's wearing a flapper headband and weird patterned tights, and there's Penelope with that face of hers. Hazel points out a "totally cute guy" in the corner, and Penelope points out that he's a busboy, but nobody points out that he's also the gayest thing in the building besides playing Cyndi Lauper at your birthday party, or that he looks like Draco times a million, or that having sex with gay guys is the unbreakable rule of Penelope, as we all remember.

Blair shoves over all of everybody using basically her ass so that she can sit closer to Serena and caress her and brush her shiny shiny hair and pick little bugs out of her shiny shiny hair and eat them for protein, and she's wearing a white shirt that is entirely ruffles so she looks like the ghost of the idea of a pirate, and it's hot. "You were right," S says. "The whole muse thing kinda backfired." She says muse ten more times and finally cuts it out, and Blair's like, "I don't say I Told You So now that I'm eighteen, so I'll refrain and by telling you that actually say it after all." Blair and rhetoric are a powerful pair. Serena's like, "We had this amazing night. I modeled for him, and he did this incredible installation..." Nelly Yuki randomly screams "He totally loves you!" Which B doesn't want to be hearing for at least three reasons, and she punches Nelly Yuki in the face and then throws her out a window, and Serena's like, "Then Danielle was also modeling for him! I'm going to die!" Instead of asking what "modeling" is code for that would make this important or interesting in some way, like "gun running" or "kidnapping children," everybody just assumes he got in the backdoor, I think, and B tries to tell her that it's a good thing that "Pablo" has moved on, but she's not convinced.

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Gossip Girl




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