Gossip Girl
Bonfire Of The Vanity

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
Agnes Troublé!

Speaking of frenemies, Agnes meets Jenny at the door of her house with her arms full of dresses of Jenny's design, all of them, everything she's ever designed or made in the arms of one very tiny, very scary girl, and then Agnes lectures her about stealing the contact list and signing contracts without her, cutting her out of the business, and how three weeks ago Jenny was "a little intern, pinning my hem," and how she inspired Jenny to start a line, brought Max the Roofie Photog of RISD, made up the guerilla fashion show, like seriously this unraveling Proustian tale of betrayal, while obviously walking everything to a giant trash can, piling it all in there, drizzling it with lighter fluid for approximately sixty years, lighting an entire matchbook on fire and staring at it for awhile, then tossing it on the clothes so that they all burst into flame, and the whole time Jenny's like, "Wait, what is going on here" and then when she notices her entire life's work is burning to a crisp she screams "YOU ARE OUT OF YOUR MIND!" and Agnes goes, "YES I AM INSANE!" Which: she is. Agnes doesn't lie, dude. It is very awesome. Then they just scream and scream and scream like the scary part of Fantasia. Man, I love watching Jenny unspool.

Tiny Cyrus Rose stares up at Gigantic Serena, and it's awesome, and they figure out that she's dating his son, who is Aaron, and Cyrus tells her that actually Aaron is into her because he doesn't take just any gigantic hoss girl to the Cloisters, and Serena almost picks him up like a baby and tosses him in the air, but then she decides to go get treated like bullshit by Aaron some more, and takes off, and then Eleanor comes over and asks if he cheated on his wife, and he admits that he did, so she throws him out and then almost throws herself at B's feet, all ashamed and at a loss: "I thought he was... different. I have to go lie down." B feels really bad for her, but when the devil inside you constructs elaborate plans, you don't wanna mess it up by being nice.

Except then Cyndi Lauper walks in basically without even slightly trying to hide the fact that she's there for a paycheck, and it turns out Cyrus bought out her concert so she could come play B's birthday, and B's oh fuck smile is, as usual, a thing of beauty, and then she remembers that the person who loves Cyndi Lauper the most is Dorota, and shoves Dorota at her so she can go get Cyrus -- "I wanted a Harry Winston choker for my birthday. Instead, I got a conscience." -- and Cyndi Lauper stares at her like, "I don't even fucking care what that means or what's going on, just give me my fucking money," and then Dorota tries to climb inside her clothes with her, to keep her company in there.

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Gossip Girl




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