Gossip Girl
Bonfire Of The Vanity

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
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Agnes Troublé!

Jenny apparently has run away for the eighth time and this time has made it as far as... Williamsburg, where she slept on the couch at the Bedford Avenue Gallery. I bet Vanessa has a special window that she leaves unlocked so she can come and go as she pleases without using doors or locks because they're so conventional. Anyway, Little J wakes up and calls Scott Smith down to his office on a Sunday, and she's sooo supertalented that he's like, "Nothing would make me and my family happier, I'll totally see you in about two hours after the intense commute that I take each weekend to spend a few precious moments with my family."

Bart comes into Chuck's bedroom and Chuck is kind of snarly and sad, and Bart stares at objects for awhile before busting loose. "I want to apologize, son. I never blamed you for your mother's death. I read that short story that Dan Humphrey wrote about you and your mother. I had no idea you felt that way. It's my fault. I know I've had trouble being close to you." Chuck looks ... just so small, and narrow, and young. It's like all the Chuck drained out of him and he's just a little boy. "But it's not for the reasons you think. It's just hard because... Every time I look at you, I see her." They consider her picture on the dresser, in its contrasting-stitch leather frame from Target, and Chuck's like, "Oh, because you miss her and it makes you love me so much that it might kill you. That is not at all what I thought was up."

"I've made some terrible mistakes in my life, but I don't want to make another. I wanna know my son." Chuck starts coming apart. "So. Any interest in going to that hockey game?" Chuck's face hasn't ever had a reason to do Happy, so he just looks like he's having Scheißbedauern and like he's about to cry for an hour. He is.

Rufus is back in that motherfucking kitchen with Dinah talking about how Jenny told him to eat shit yet again, and Dan's like, "By the way, I totally didn't ruin the van der Woodsen-Basses, and on an even more amazing note: I fixed CHUCK. So I'm back to full Humphrey power, and will now tell you how to properly parent, which is that you need to let Jenny win, because you're being a d-bag and you're locked into a stupid battle of wills with a fifteen-year-old girl, because you also are one of those." Meanwhile at this same exact second, Scott's like, "Oh, so your parents are idiots? Well, divorce them." And Jenny goes, "I have been thinking that since I was born, let's do this shit." Well done, Rufus.

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