Serena tells Blair about how Aaron's "casual dating thing," also know as um, dating, is just not for her. She likes doomed codependent relationships with dudes from Brooklyn that you can't get free from even it's killing you and forcing you to dress like a Madam from the Olden Days. B says that this is actually because her "free spirit façade" is bullshit and she's actually "totally conventional"... just like Blair. Yeah, Blair, normalcy is coursing through your veins. Then it's so awesome I can't even recap it, just go:
Serena: It's not a façade! I believe in freedom! People following their hearts, doing what they want! You know I always wish I'd lived in the '60s!
Blair: You believe in long hair, peasant skirts and sandals, but ... You in an open relationship? I don't think so.
Is Serena eating breakfast in the bathroom? That's pretty free-spirited, meaning nasty, but I really don't recognize this room at all. I can only identify kitchens now if they have cute ex-rockstars lurking around in them and crying dewily. Blair talks about how Cyrus is "not that bad," and then goes downstairs to discover that her machinations have pushed Eleanor and Cyrus onto the fast-fast-fast track: "We've been up all night talking about love! And death! And the brevity of life!" And now Cyrus is moving in, effective immediately. Gossip Girl, holding onto her grip with white knuckles, calls this the kind of surprise that hits you over the head like a squash racket, whereas there are other surprises that sneak up on you when you're least expecting it. Gossip Girl, that is the definition of the word "surprise." Even when you're making sense you're still being spooky and weird, cut it out.
Aaron, sneaking up like a surprise, comes to take her to the old puppet theatre, but first: more emotional abuse. "How could we even break up if we're not going out? Are you even sure that happened? Serena, I really like you. Even though I grew up on the Upper East Side, I don't want the same life that my parents had. Social obligations and forced conversations, saying no to all the things that I wanted to say yes to, just like Nate in the pilot when his hair was all fucked up. I thought you felt the same way, but if you don't then you're a worthless piece of shit. And if I was wrong about you not being a worthless piece of shit, then I apologize for being wrong about that."
She's so blown away by this amazingly manipulative crap that "Sex On Fire" starts playing and she drags Aaron out of the house without putting clothes on so that she's just dorking it up all over the streets of NYC with a negligee so short that if a butterfly flapped its wings in Peru an hour ago, you'd see both London and France, if she were even wearing underpants, which means more like you would see Rio de Janeiro? "And sometimes the biggest surprises are the ones you spring on yourself," Gossip Girl points out, and so I guess GG means that for Serena, running around in your underwear in public and looking at puppets without shoes on is the equivalent of joyously accepting the fact that you are going to catch Chlamydia from Aaron Rose. Which is a really long list of shit you should not be doing in the first place, much less celebrating, but whatever Serena, enjoy whatever wonderful things that will no doubt result from all this.