Dan Humphrey comes galumphing down the hallway doing a fair impression of masculinity, then ruins it by striding purposefully into the Ladies', where B is applying the most wonderful lip gloss to ever gloss a lip. She makes a fucking stupid joke about how he's a girl, and tells him to fuck off and stop bothering her about Doomed Rachel, and he gives some speech about how amazing she is, and Blair delivers an excellent line: "Oh! That is so sweet! Maybe you should write a short story about it and have 'Rachel' give you notes! Naked!" She shoves past him, and his butchness drains away and he turns back into Awkward Lad. Even when she's wrong, she's right.
S stalks Rachel to a coffee cart and gives her the essay, unchanged, even though Rachel's got massive bitchface for no reason, and Rachel gives her this "I totally understand you" speech about how Dan is justified in thinking that he's more talented than God, but Serena has every reason in the world to be insecure about her gifts, because Lily never bought her blank books when she was a kid, just Chanel purses. S agrees, which hurts to see even when it's not Dan' absurd and hateful judgments on her and her lifestyle that she's agreeing with. "Yeah, I'm a vapid twit, you got me there! You and Dan, I tell you what. I would probably think I was pretty great if you guys weren't around to help me remember to hate myself."
So all the people are whispering and gossiping about Rachel and her complete lack of professional boundaries, and S explains about the Dan rumor, dumbly mentioning Gossip Girl: "I've been on Gossip Girl plenty of times, and for the worst things. Some of them were true, some of them weren't. But eventually, everyone forgets. The best thing to do with these things is just nothing at all." Of course, she only mentions Gossip Girl because Rachel and her complete lack of professional boundaries have fooled S into thinking that they are girlfriends, and then once Rachel jumps up her ass about it, S realizes she has no exit strategy, and heads off at a full-tilt canter with little to no farewell. Making it totally obvious that B is to blame, of course.
So who should come walking up but Dan, wanting to talk in private about Rachel and her complete lack of professional boundaries, and who is happier to run off to a private location with Dan to talk about the rumors of them going to private locations than Rachel and her complete lack of professional boundaries.