Gossip Girl
Carrnal Knowledge

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: F | 1 USERS: A+
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Billy Subs In For Jeff & Bil!

Rachel thanks Dan with dinner for ratting out Blair for the thing she did that doesn't matter at all. Then she starts crying and whatever, and tells Dan she would never sleep with him... Unless he went to a different school. INAPPROPRIATE! She tells him to call her in five years. INAPPROPRIATE. He wipes the tears from her face, and S comes stalking them around the corner and sees him like stroking her hair and shit, and takes a photo, and of course the second she turns around Rachel's like, "Dinner yes, offering to fuck you yes, but a hug? INAPPROPRIATE. Learn some boundaries, Humphrey." So he apologizes and she runs away, and Dan is a tool some more. "Spotted: Lonelyboy, going from teacher's pet to persona non grata in the pitter-patter of a heartbeat." Even GG doesn't give a fuck this week. Think about your life, about your job: how far would it fly if you decided to take a vacation, but still showed up at work for some reason? "What are you doing here, Jones?" Absolutely fucking nothing, sir. This is my vacation. "Then why are you here, Jones?" To piss Jacob off, sir.

"That invitation wasn't for you. You were never supposed to be at that party. What do you remember?" Chuck's like, "Almost fucking you," but that's not what she's talking about, she explains, but is so into being mysterious that she just refuses to fucking say what she's actually saying. This is so embarrassing. "I wasn't at that party to meet you. I was there for another man. Your father." This show is as dead to me as Chuck's father is to him. "I know that... now. I took over a girl's client list. I sent the invitation without realizing. When you told me your name was Chuck, I realized that I had the wrong Mr. Bass. I had to get you out of there, I had to make sure that you didn't remember anything that you saw." Chuck's like, "You roofied me to... Put me in a hotel and go back to Connecticut? WTF is the point of this storyline?" And she's like, "What matters is that I left you at that hotel to keep you safe... Turn on CNN. Walk down Wall Street, go to Washington. That's who they are. And if they find out that I let an outsider in... Lose the card. The stamp on your arm will fade. And stop asking questions. Stop looking!" Chuck mentions Eyes Wide Shut, which is grounds to move that our whole relationship with this show be stricken from the record, because what are you, new? If you're ripping off a storyline from a movie, the one rule is that you don't say the movie. Also: don't rip off stuff at all. Be better. Write better.

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Gossip Girl

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