Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
One Week Of Danger

"Some housewarming. Good thing I didn't bring a casserole," Vanessa says. I've been having some allergies this week, so the coughing snort, the gchhhhhhnk sound when she said that, was particularly resonant. Your ass brought a loser casserole. He offers her a drink, but Bart arrives to nail him to the wall about whatever and he takes off. Blair watches Vanessa for a moment, standing there, invited and actually comfortable, standing in this room, not the slightest bit cowed or humiliated. Their eyes meet, and they both know that V is winning, and they both are confused and sort of terrified by that. B puts it together, and her stomach drops. Be careful what you pretend to be, because you are what you pretend to be.

Nate and Jenny dish about how Rufus let her drop out of school to be famous, and Dan has to throw his bloody two cents in and Rufus is like, "HOW ARE THINGS AT HOME BECAUSE YOU ARE HOMELESS" and Dan tries to change the subject to the Bouncing Off The Knees of his gayness, and Nate grins affectionately at him before addressing Rufus's question, which is that his homelessness is going swimmingly. "You staying by yourself? Isn't that kind of lonely?" Nate admits that he's lonely, and it's only his breeding that keeps him from gesturing to Dan to prove just how lonely he must be, but says he wants to stay there, mother or not: "I mean, I grew up there. You know, it's where all the memories are." Even Rufus is like, we have a crisis situation, but I don't know what it is so I don't know what inappropriate thing to do or stupid thing to say. Or else Dan and Jenny already told him what's up, which would be dumb and they know that, but doing dumb things anyway is what being a Humphrey is all about.

Bart goes the hell off on Chuck about investing in the Brooklyn Inn, and Chuck holds his ground, telling him to read the proposal before freaking out. Bart, even though Victrola is I'm sure still quite successful, is so full of hate for Chuck and his matricidal ways that he says fuck the proposal, and Chuck goes into full-on sales mode. "The tax break will be huge. Saving a landmark buys us amazing PR, engenders goodwill in the community, paving the way for future investment." Vanessa's Spidey sense goes off and she realizes she could be eavesdropping on something somewhere, so she appears immediately. "Plus, it's a great place." V smiles as Chuck continues: "Look, Father. Let me take you there and show you around. I'll make you a believer, I promise." Bart tells him to eat a dick and doesn't care if it's a good idea, because he is hateful, and Vanessa is like, totally sad because Bart is reading Chuck the riot act like he often does, and she realizes that sometimes people have reasons for being how they are and that sympathy for other living human beings is more important than being the most judgmental asspimple in the room. But don't worry, because obviously she will forget this fact in five, four, three...

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Gossip Girl




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