Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
One Week Of Danger

When he steps back, she goes cold again, smiles and twinkles her fingers goodbye. "We think we've heard this story before, and we're pretty sure it ended up with everyone dead." As he leaves, she makes that scariest face, the one that's like, "Blair Waldorf, you are terrifying. But you gotta do what you gotta do." And it's so, so the perfect thing, because her plans all rely on chaos, and this is like: secretly she wants to get Chuck to bone her without risking anything, and take Vanessa off the board, so she's just going to stir as much shit as possible and then jump back in when it's time. The next song, needless to say? "Psychotic Girl," by the Black Keys.

"I thought you'd change but I should have known/ You play nice for a time and then do me wrong/ Just a psychotic girl/ And I won't get lost in your world..."

Blair and Serena are sipping the largest glasses of OJ I've ever seen. If it's OJ, which I hope it is not, because Sunday brunch is the one part of our week that exists purely to provide us with that narrow but necessary band of acceptably getting crunk in the AM. Unless you're freelance, and then you do what we do, which is remember you can call at any time on the Sheryl Crow Rule: Everybody occasionally likes a good beer buzz early in the morning. "So what did Lily have to say about last night's curfew flaunting?" Serena neither knows nor cares, because she escaped this morning while Lily was still doing her morning Guilt Pilates.

"Let them discipline the sibling that actually deserves it," Serena growls, and Blair forgets the mask for a second: "You mean Chuck?" Serena shoots affectionate eyebrows at B's secret smile, and B goes apeshit about how thinking about Chuck makes her lose her appetite. Maybe that's why you're thinking about him all the time, then. "Hey, is that Eric?" She grins again, saved by the bell, and Serena asks if this is his friend. Aww, Jonathan. He's such a Starter Wife! Perfect, it's perfect. He looks like a Muppet of Seth Cohen. Nicely done, Eric. Asher was advanced jelly but this little guy is fabulous. Blair waves at him like, "Who cares?" Eric's pride is sweet and undeniable: "This is Jonathan, my boyfriend." Their jaws drop and then they both start screeching in that OTT way all straight girls reserve for patting homos on the head whenever they do anything gay. "I invited him to the party tonight, but I thought you should meet him first." Jonathan notes that he's already met Chuck, so of course S goes into this Catskills routine about "Chuck, ya hear that? Hear that, Blair? He said Chuck, Chuck, Chuuuuuuuck..." B blows her off and Serena parks her chin on her giant hand. "The story of how you two met. We want to know everything!"

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Gossip Girl




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