Dick Cavett: "Serena, can I be gross to you for about three minutes and forty seconds?"
2012, it would seem: Still not the year for Being Places.
Blair and Dan, both still smashed, meet up in the lobby at PRADA. As usual, Leighton Meester is the most wonderful drunk on TV, and Dan's always a little sexier when he concentrates on something other than being Dan. They sass each other for awhile and are pretty annoyed about their bad sex, but trying to man up, so of course they hit the elevator to grab tons more alcohol to put inside themselves first. Drunk sloppy sex is certainly a kind of sex.
Dick Cavett: "You have to be nicer to me in your SxS column where you apparently talk about me all the time! Just kidding, it's not the '80s and I'm not relevant."
Serena: "Okay, nice talking to you! I really enjoyed that story about your dog's gender identity."
Dick Cavett: "That one kills. I remember the first time I told that story, at Phil and Marlo's house..."
Serena: "Okay, I have twenty seconds to spare so..."
Lola: "Serena, can I take up your remaining twenty seconds with my nonsense?"
Serena: "Sure! Oh, wait."
Gossip Girl: "Nice bribe, Ivy Dickens!"
Lily & Wm: "Aw, man! We didn't trick that little girl into criminal activity so we could steal all her money. Nuts!"
Serena Says: "That Gossip Girl sure does fuck things up for everybody all the time. I bet she can't Be Places, either. Dizzy bitch."
Serena Thinks: "Me and my Plans."
Ivy: "You Basses and Humphreys and van der Woodsens! I should have known you'd only come to my humiliating party with an agenda!"
Wm vdW: "Well, you did ask me for a bribe."
Ivy: "No, that's totally not even what happened, but whatever."
Serena: "Blame her! Deflect onto her! We hate you, Ivy!"
Lily: "I'm sure it went just like my trustworthy ex-husband said it did. Just as I'm sure you manipulated my mother with your caring nature and compassionate dedication to her for all those months. And then kicked me out of my own house!"
Ivy: "Actually, you kicked me out of my house, and it was really shitty. And I'm starting to think that no matter how much I care about you, maybe you're not worth it. I am going to give you like six more tries and then you're out of here. Now, when can you next attend a party I will be throwing?"