Sweet little kiss, and then her face is like "I gave up being a princess and having weirdo sex with Chuck Bass... For this?" And his face is like, "Maybe I should call Hilary Duff," and then they both just lean, slumping, into the oncoming rut that is their sexuality.
Blair: "I can already feel myself letting my garden overgrow."
Dan: "I have the strangest craving for asparagus, and no real reason not to indulge it."
Blair: "Thank God for sex toys."
Dan: "Thank God for Swedish '60s art porn."
Lady: "Why would you have hospital records at this hospital from that time where you nearly died not that long ago?"
Chuck: "I just need to know the circumstances of my blood transfusion from Jack Bass."
Lady: "Jack Bass did not donate any blood that time that happened. But I have said too much."
Chuck: "Could you step away from your computer for no reason?"
Lady: "Assuredly I will do that."
Her Computer, Quite Clearly: "JACK BASS CAUGHT HEPATITIS C FROM PAMELA ANDERSON & SHOULD NOT BE DONATING BLOOD. NOT EVEN TO LITTLE SEXY GOBLINS."
Nate: "S, don't freak out, but I think your sketchy con-man father might be pulling a sketchy con."
Serena: "Why wouldn't Lola accuse our father of this to me directly? What, is she avoiding me because I'm obsessive and off-putting around her?"
Nate: "Don't be silly! But you're getting really obsessive and off-putting about this. I'm taking you off the Ivy Dickens expose."
Serena: "Fine! I'll just go back to writing my scintillating Fake Gossip Girl column that nobody reads. And you can keep paying me money for doing that."
Serena: "Thanks for calling, I have to ask you about something very important."
Wm vdW: "Serena, your mother and I want you to go to that PRADA party."
Serena: "Ugh, fine. Don't take any random bribes until I see you."
Lily, who is in on it: "Great, so we'll all be there when she gives you the check. I just hope Serena doesn't fuck this up for everybody like she always does."
Serena: "I'd better fuck this up for everybody like usual."