Gossip Girl
Con Heir

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Elevator Love Song
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

PREVIOUSLY

Lily was under the impression that Uncle Jack was capable of bringing anybody back to life with his gross tainted blood. William van der Woodsen learned of his third child, while Ivy replaced Lily and Carol as the only person CeCe cared about -- resulting in Lily's abrupt eviction from PRADA. Bereft of even a blood transfusion storyline, Serena shrugged and became Gossip Girl 3.0 while Georgina is in Monaco working on Blair's prenuptial situation and the ex-princess herself traveled the long way to DUMBO to pronounce her love for Lonelyboy.

DUMBO

As Serena gives us the GG greeting via her SxS column nobody cares about, we learn it's been a month since Lily moved out to the shanty Rufus once called home. Blair shows up in an awesome sex outfit, which she flashes at Dan before noticing that Lily and both her husbands are at the loft for breakfast. William gets quite an eyeful, Rufus has no idea what is going on as usual and Lily just sighs and thinks about how this is what Brooklyn is like.

EMPIRE

After a long "corporate retreat" that seemed mostly like the sex they're always having near each other, Chuck welcomes Jack back to his suite for more of that same sex, and also a big thank you for saving his life.

Jack: "You mean that time Russell Thorpe tried to blow everybody up? Please, like I even remember that storyline. Like this show even remembers back that far."
Chuck: "No, I mean the time that Tripp tried to blow Nate up. When Blair went insane. You made Blair go insane."
Jack: "No problem! It was certainly my blood that they transfused into you, resulting in health."
Chuck: "For not letting me die and stealing the company Lily apparently gave back to me, I want to name a new wing of that hospital for you. The Jack Bass Rape Crisis Treatment Center."

DUMBO

Waffles.

Lily: "One thing I hate about Brooklyn is how you have to light the stove with a match."
Blair: "I didn't know you could get such good croissants in Brooklyn! I love carbs and eating food all the time."
Lily: "Actually, I had those flown in by Pegasus from Manhattan, as well as all our rich people mail."

Wm vdW: "The problem with overturning the will is, it's a will."
Lily: "Can't we make it not a will?"
Wm vdW: "Not unless Ivy did something illegal like steal somebody's identity, or defraud your family out of millions to steal your niece's trust fund for her mother, or write a hot check to a real estate agent in California, or pay off an attempted murderer by the name of Max."
Lily: "Well, since she didn't do any of those things, I guess we're screwed."

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Gossip Girl

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