Gossip Girl
Con Heir

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
Elevator Love Song

Wm vdW: "A stellar debut, by all accounts. Dick Cavett doesn't just show up for anything. Now, about that checkaroonie."
Ivy: "I'll get you your money when I'm done talking to [some celebrity or debutante of the moment I didn't bother finding out]."

Lily: "Did you entrap her yet?"
Wm vdW: "I am still working on it."
Serena: "You guys! What's up? Take any bribes yet?"
Lily: "Our home may have been stolen by Florida trash, but it's going to be okay. She offered your father a bribe, as a matter of fact."
Serena: "Okay. But wait, how do you know that?"
Lily: "He told me immediately about it, albeit while making it sound like Ivy's idea entirely."
Wm vdW: "I may well be removed as executor of the estate, but frankly that's probably for the best. I am sleazy as hell."
Serena: "So what are we waiting for? Let's sic Gossip Girl on the bitch!"
Rents: "Well, she hasn't actually written the check yet, so..."
Serena: "I see. So I have four minutes to get out of this mess I've created."

Dick Cavett: "Serena, can I be gross to you for about three minutes and forty seconds?"
Serena: "Sure!"

2012, it would seem: Still not the year for Being Places.


Blair and Dan, both still smashed, meet up in the lobby at PRADA. As usual, Leighton Meester is the most wonderful drunk on TV, and Dan's always a little sexier when he concentrates on something other than being Dan. They sass each other for awhile and are pretty annoyed about their bad sex, but trying to man up, so of course they hit the elevator to grab tons more alcohol to put inside themselves first. Drunk sloppy sex is certainly a kind of sex.


Dick Cavett: "You have to be nicer to me in your SxS column where you apparently talk about me all the time! Just kidding, it's not the '80s and I'm not relevant."
Serena: "Okay, nice talking to you! I really enjoyed that story about your dog's gender identity."
Dick Cavett: "That one kills. I remember the first time I told that story, at Phil and Marlo's house..."
Serena: "Okay, I have twenty seconds to spare so..."

Lola: "Serena, can I take up your remaining twenty seconds with my nonsense?"
Serena: "Sure! Oh, wait."

Gossip Girl: "Nice bribe, Ivy Dickens!"
Lily & Wm: "Aw, man! We didn't trick that little girl into criminal activity so we could steal all her money. Nuts!"

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Gossip Girl




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