Gossip Girl
Con Heir

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
Elevator Love Song


Cute Gesture: "I can tell by the fact that you're not hyperverbal that you're upset about something."
Realist About Class: "I can tell by the fact that you've been drinking vodka."
Purple Eyeshadow: "I think it is about how you are bad at sex."
Not Realist About Sex: "I think it is about how we both are."

Gettin' Bored But Talkin' Truth: "We were less sexy than Courtney Stodden, the unsexiest thing of all time."
The Unceasing Performance: "I don't even know who that is."
Spin City: "Maybe it's just because you're so intellectual and that's our common interest."
Keep Talking: "Maybe that's it exactly. Just two incredible geniuses, unable to let go."
Keep Drinking: "That makes sense. Your mind is so attractive under that pelt of hair."

Not Flattering: "You're really good in my head, though. When I masturbate, I mean."
Drunk Wordplay: "I'm really good out of it, too."
Grammar Police: "Out of your head? Drunk, you mean?"
Drunk Whatever: "Whatever."

Reality: "Talking to you isn't making this better either."
But Yet: "Why are we suddenly so horny?"
Because: "We burned a lot of folks to get here -- and we have an obscure point to make."

Blair pulls the emergency stop thing and they fuck. Majestically.


Jack: "I tend to think of myself as the Magic Johnson of hepatitis. In that my gross and dangerous promiscuity is still more acceptable than any amount of gay sex."
Chuck: "If you wanted a hospital wing, you'd buy one for yourself. This is about protecting the real blood donor. Was it my mother? The Mulholland Drive one?"
Jack: "No, but yes, but actually no."
Chuck: "Well, then I want to give her a hospital wing. And a piece of my mind."
Jack: "Why? Just be glad you're alive and don't bug out."

Chuck & Jack, tenderly: "I guess all that matters is that we have each other. Ah, family. Hey, let's get some prostitutes and fuck them in front of each other real soon, okay?"


Lily: "Where in the fuck is my elevator? I can't stand being here in my own house where I don't live. I can actually feel myself about to do more horrible things to the little girl that lives here."
Ivy: "I will gladly call security. Get out, now."
Lily: "We're just waiting for people to stop fucking in your elevator, bitch. But we will be back."
Ivy: "No. You won't. Because I just figured out that there is no trusting you. I totally get why CeCe would screw you guys over: You couldn't even spare her an hour today."
Lily: (Eloquent roll of the eye; slight whip of the swanlike neck.)
Ivy: "I just don't get why it's hard to believe I cared about her -- or why all you seem to care about is hurting me with your lies and craziness."

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Gossip Girl




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