Gossip Girl
Con Heir

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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Elevator Love Song

Lola: "But like I heard you offer him money."
Ivy: "Nope. That's not how it went down. As usual, though, I sound crazier by telling the truth. I feel like such a Max right now."
Wm vdW: "Also, your assets are frozen from here on out now that we've got a case against you."
Ivy: "See how they are? That's vindictive. And they will toss you aside just like they've done me."
Lola: "No they won't. They're my family. I suddenly side with them."
Lily: "To be fair, we will probably turn on you too, sweetie. But that's just because you're family."

A TAXI (IS NOT A LIMO)

Dan: "I guess sometimes you have to throw away the first pancake. Or waffle."
Blair: (Laughs wonderfully.)
Dan: "So where shall we fuck next? I suggest Williamsburg."
Blair: "Of course you do."

I just thought of Jan from The Office when she realized that being with Michael Scott was causing her life to implode on itself like a dying star. First you fuck him in an elevator, then you take a cab, then you fuck in a bathroom in a Williamsburg bar which is basically like having sex with every single person who has ever had sex with any other person. What's next, a standup fuck in a piss-smelling alley? As though it were Mardi Gras?

LOBBY

Wm vdW: "Thanks for joining the chorus of hatred toward that little girl we are framing. That was a real clutch play."
Lola: "It was the least I could do, after somehow giving Nate the impression that you were running yet another con. It can be hard to figure things out without knowing the whole story, which is why I always jump to ludicrous conclusions. Do you know how many times I've accused Nate of doing sketchy things, only to discover I myself was the one doing the sketchy things?"
Wm vdW: "I used to know your mom pretty well. Yeah, I got to know her real well, one time. And apart from her being a rabid drug addict with severe mental and emotional issues, she seems like a good mom."
Lola: "Uh, she does?"

Wm vdW: "Yeah, like, if she didn't tell you something important, such as who your dad is, maybe it's for a good reason. Not at all like when she kept the rest of your family a secret, for no reason."
Lola: "All perfectly logical, sure."
Wm vdW: "All I know is, if Serena and Eric ever found out that I have a mysterious daughter-niece, it would really fuck things up for me. So I guess it's like that, in a way."
Lola: "Yeah, parents are just people. Anybody can make a mistake. Even one named Lola."
Wm vdW: "Sure we can. Did I ever tell you about the time I brainwashed a psychologist into giving your aunt fake cancer? Or the time I abandoned and neglected my daughter so bad she stole a boat to get my attention? And then a horse? And even showed her vagina in Turks & Caicos?"

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