Gossip Girl
Con Heir

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
Elevator Love Song


Wm vdW: "Look, I'm already wearing this horrible scarf. When are you going to stop torturing me?"
Carol: "When you give me money or something!"
Wm vdW: "I don't have enough money to give you some of my money."
Carol: "And yet. I am still going to blackmail you about how Serena and Eric have a sister with Vanessa's personality. Make that will say something else, where I get money!"
Wm vdW: "It's a will! And how come I'm the only bad guy here? You hired an impersonator to impersonate our daughter, who has now ruined all of our lives."
Carol: "That should just demonstrate how much of a lunatic plot device I'm willing to be."

Wm vdW: "I am in the grip of another untenable situation. I'd better entrap Ivy into sounding like she's bribing me."

The Plan: He will say, "Pay me! Above the board!" and she will say, "Okay, no problem!" and then somehow that will destroy the will and cause Ivy to be eaten by dogs in the street, just like Juliet and Vanessa before her. Or at least freeze her assets long enough to come up with something that is actually a plan.


Blair: "That Rufus primps more than I do. Thank God they're finally gone."
Dan: "I have an idea for a sexy game we can play! Let's talk about all the times our attempts to have sexual intercourse have failed."
Blair: "Sexy idea! I shall enumerate them at length."

Time passes.

Blair: "That car alarm of Brooklyn has vanished my hard on."
Dan: "I am only heterosexual by default."
Blair: "I feel like your Cabbage Patch doll Cedric is watching us."
Dan: "Some fans just find callbacks a satisfying comfort in general, no matter how bald or pandering in the specific."
Blair: "Another failure to launch, I think."
Dan: "It is very realistic that we aren't having sex right now."
Blair: "It doesn't have to make sense! It just needs to be funny."
Dan: "Is that what this is? Comedy?"


GG 2.0: "Welcome to being Gossip Girl. Here is a laptop of information and a password. Sorry that SxS is so dumb and boring, but maybe you would enjoy this instead."
Serena: "Hmm. Seems I'm Gossip Girl now, despite my season-long denial of using secrets to hurt people."

Nate: "Maybe you could just act normal or something, with my girlfriend who is your sister and cousin."
Serena: "Don't tell me how to act! I am capable of making good decisions!"
Nate: "Are you?"

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Gossip Girl




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