Gossip Girl
Con Heir

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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Elevator Love Song

Lily: "Speaking of, any chance we can move out of this piece of shit loft? My mortality weighs heavily upon me, in the fool's paradise known as Brooklyn."
Rufus: "Even though I married you for the same reason, that is vaguely insulting."
Lily: "Vaguely insulting is how I roll, bud."

Rufus: "I did get a hotel room..."
Lily: "Oh, thank God. This macabre charade is finally ending."
Rufus: "...For Dan and Blair. To fuck in."

PUTTING THE DUH IN W

Dan: "I can't believe we didn't think of this!"
Blair: "Because it is literally unbelievable?"
Dan: "In essence, yes."

They get down to business. Of sorts.

Blair: "Well, that was... It certainly occurred."
Dan: "Yes. It was extremely satisfying to have sexual intercourse with you. Availing ourselves of all the different options, as we most certainly did."
Blair: "I can't wait to engage in more of this passionate lovemaking with you. One of these days."
Dan: "I suppose that I will see you later at the PRADA party. Until then, congratulations on getting so thoroughly fucked by me."
Blair: "And vice versa, my friend."

Sweet little kiss, and then her face is like "I gave up being a princess and having weirdo sex with Chuck Bass... For this?" And his face is like, "Maybe I should call Hilary Duff," and then they both just lean, slumping, into the oncoming rut that is their sexuality.

Blair: "I can already feel myself letting my garden overgrow."
Dan: "I have the strangest craving for asparagus, and no real reason not to indulge it."
Blair: "Thank God for sex toys."
Dan: "Thank God for Swedish '60s art porn."

HOSPITAL

Lady: "Why would you have hospital records at this hospital from that time where you nearly died not that long ago?"
Chuck: "I just need to know the circumstances of my blood transfusion from Jack Bass."
Lady: "Jack Bass did not donate any blood that time that happened. But I have said too much."
Chuck: "Could you step away from your computer for no reason?"
Lady: "Assuredly I will do that."

Her Computer, Quite Clearly: "JACK BASS CAUGHT HEPATITIS C FROM PAMELA ANDERSON & SHOULD NOT BE DONATING BLOOD. NOT EVEN TO LITTLE SEXY GOBLINS."

SPECTATOR

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