Dan appears and Blair lights up; Serena goes shoving past him in a way that could break a few of his tiny bird bones if she isn't being careful.
Dan: "Blair, I brought you this book of movies! No reason. Or we could watch them together, under a blanket."
Blair: "No. you should go do something romantic. With somebody else."
Dan: "You keep saying that like any of us are dating anybody. The only person in a relationship right now is Nate, and that's less of a relationship and more like straight-up stalking."
Blair: "But don't you thrill to the romance of this holiday? As I do?"
Dan: "No, Valentine's sucks. The only good one I ever had was with..."
A scary lightbulb goes off over Blair's insane head, and Dan gets the shit out of there.
Blair: "DOROTA! We have to do some seriously crazy shit right now."
Dorota: "You're going to try and get Serena and Dan back together so you can get him off your plate? They never really seem to resent that as much as they should."
Lola: "Hello? Why is this number blocked? What's that breathing sound? Hello? Hello, who is this? I'm calling the police."
Nate: Hangs up. Immediately calls back.
Lola: "Is this fucking Nate Archibald? How many times do I have to..."
Nate: "You're going to be my date for Valentine's Day whether you like it or not."
Lola: "First of all, who the fuck in any part of reality would have a first date on Valentine's, and second of all, I'm a cater-waiter and this is one of my biggest nights of the year, and thirdly, stop stalking me."
Nate: "Nope! I have this notion that I'm being adorable."
Lola: "How did you get this number, anyway?"
Nate: "I bribed your boss for your number. And also, you're still my date tonight."
Lola: "What the fuck is wrong with you?"
Georgina: "Okay, Nate's Assistant, Cartier Guy, Sassy Gay Dude and Random Security Guard, what have you to report?"
Sassy Gay: "Chuck is grumpy as usual! Meet Cute accomplished!"
Security Guard: "I'm old and Irish!"
Cartier Guy: "It is ludicrous that I would be involved in this scheme!"
Nate's Assistant: "Well, Nate is apparently planning on keeping Lola in a hole and eventually wearing her skin as an evening gown so that he can complete his transformation..."
Georgina: "How Season One Georgina of him."