Ivy: "Rufus, for Christ's sake I've been waiting here all day. Where the hell is your wife?"
Rufus: "Aw, sorry! I was so busy being whupped and shopping at Henri Bendel and Sephora that I forgot to tell you that she is never coming home. Her flight was delayed so she's going straight to the Empire for our sex date. I guess I could have told you that, instead of just forgetting you entirely."
Ivy: "Yeah, that's about what I figured. Thanks for nothing, you."
Dan appears and Blair assumes he's also coming after her about the setup earlier. She has been "getting ready" this entire time, but is still in a dressing gown and looks exactly the same as she has for most of today.
Dan: "Actually, I'm not bothered at all by your manipulations. I'm just here acting as Gossip Girl's agent so you won't find out what I did, which in retrospect was actually pretty terrible."
Blair: "[Lists random occurrences from early episodes that prove somebody involved with Season Five has at least heard of this show before.]"
Dan: "So somehow the possibility of getting me back together with Serena means you'll be my date to Nate's party that none of us were supposed to go to? Well, that was easy."
Philip & Georgina: "[List random words from the Waldorf-Grimaldi prenup for awhile.]"
Philip: "She owns a museum?"
Georgina: "Paydirt! I found the thing where a divorce would bankrupt the Waldorfs."
Georgina: "So I'm going to get a picture of Blair and Dan making out, which will bankrupt the Waldorfs."
Philip: "But why is that..."
Georgina: "I don't need reasons for the things I do, Philip! I am a plot device!"
CARDIAC BALL/COME AS YOU WERE
St. Vincent is playing "Cruel" when Blair arrives, with Creeper and Serena in tow. Serena, of course, is wearing a sequined cardigan, necktie, thirty million bracelets and a wild side-eye. Not appropriate, but stunning nonetheless and definitely in line with her Constance outfits. Thence, upstairs to the Nate party, explaining to Creeper that this is unrelated to Chuck Bass in any substantial way. Of course, the elevator doors open on Chuck, wearing The Scarf and looking fantastic, and things get a little misty. That Black-Eyed Peas song that played the time Blair tried to kill S through field hockey is playing when they get there, and the Creeper bitches about how they're playing Spin The Bottle and it's all...