Blair & Serena: "Oh, were you about to use our shared restroom while wearing a ridiculous nighttime costume? Have at it! Because I am angry!"
Dan: "Alessandra, our sexual relationship is about to be so mutually fulfilling. Now, tell me how best to destroy our friend Daniel Humphrey. Pay no attention to the hilariously sardonic way I talk."
Creeper: "I am either covering up Blair's face in this photo as I weep because I am in love with Louis, the secret Sabrina in this story that nobody ever knew about, or else I'm caressing her face while I weep because Creepy Obsessive Lesbian is the only cliché this show hasn't used more than three times already."
Lola: "Dear Charlotte Rhodes aka Ivy Dickens aka the girl I'm about to snatch bald, let's be friends on Facebook!"
Is: Lola on meds, or was that something Aunt Carol invented out of whole cloth?
If so: Will Lola ever go off those meds?
Could We: Possibly get two Charlie Interrupted stories out of this little scammeroonie?
And: Why doesn't Dan constantly tell the story about the time Ivy was all, "Call me Serena while you fuck me!"
And how come Ivy can't be that awesome all the time? That was one of the greatest non-Juliet moments this show ever had, but as with Georgie and a few other things I can think of -- Maureen "Manchurian Candidate" Vanderbilt, the underground collective of Ponzi-running supermodels, that insane psychologist that took Rufus's scarf and was dosing Lily with fake cancer, Damien Dalgaard going all Dennis Cooper Easton Ellis on little Eric -- the candle burned out long before the legend ever did.
VITAMIN WATER ESTATES
Nurse: "Charlie, did you get to tell your Aunt Lily about her mother's impending death?"
Ivy: "No, and it was a real hassle."
Nurse: "Well, you can say goodnight to CeCe if you want. She is looking real haggard."
Ivy: "I sure do love that imaginary grandmother of mine. I hope that's worth respecting in a few episodes when her ass dies and everybody suspects that I was just currying favor and/or am the crazy person that I clearly still am."
Nurse: "I just wish I knew more about her illness."
Ivy: "Cancer? Well, I've got Bing right here, let's look it up."
CeCe dies, I bet, and Blair comes around somehow on the question of Dan, but it doesn't matter because Chuck will have had him eaten by dogs. Oh, and Lola goes into Witness Protection and/or buys a gun so Nate will stop nice-guy stalking her, because that is getting real fucking gross to watch.