Cartier: "How about you? Do you date women?"
Cartier: "Women who like jewelry?"
Dan: "Generally yes. The women that I date tend to wear about a million necklaces at once."
Chuck: "Sis, I just called to whine at you about the holiday and the concept of love."
Serena: "Bro, I am right there with you. I mean, at least Blair told you she loved you back. When I confessed my feelings for Dan, he just pretended he didn't hear me."
Chuck: "It has been nice having this telephone conversation with you about nothing."
Serena: "Sharing exposition aloud is so much cozier when there's actually somebody on the other end of the line."
Chuck bumps into a remarkably sassy gay dude, and maybe they fall in love, I don't know. It's weird. We're supposed to notice the... Oh, you know what, he's one of Gossip Georgina's minions, that's what it is. Got it.
WALDORF/VAN DER WOODSEN
Blair: "Serena, I know we're mad at each other for fairly dumb reasons, but I'm over that."
Serena: "Okay, you ran away with Dan, which is a stupid thing for me to be mad about."
Blair: "Whereas you sent that video to GG and ruined my wedding and essentially made me into a prostitute."
Serena: "No, actually I didn't do that."
Blair: "Well, Chuck never sold me for a hotel either, but that doesn't stop people from screaming about it, even years later."
Serena: "No, I mean that I literally didn't do it. No idea who did. Anyway look, are we done fighting or what? I have to go interview a 70-year-old virgin about what that's like, since I can't even remember."
Blair: "In connection with what, your career as a journalist all of a sudden?"
Serena: "Or whatever it is Nate and I are doing all the time."
Blair: "Doesn't sound too romantic."
Serena: "Very little about my romantic life generally does. The only good Valentine's Day I ever had on this show was with..."
Dan appears and Blair lights up; Serena goes shoving past him in a way that could break a few of his tiny bird bones if she isn't being careful.
Dan: "Blair, I brought you this book of movies! No reason. Or we could watch them together, under a blanket."
Blair: "No. you should go do something romantic. With somebody else."
Dan: "You keep saying that like any of us are dating anybody. The only person in a relationship right now is Nate, and that's less of a relationship and more like straight-up stalking."
Blair: "But don't you thrill to the romance of this holiday? As I do?"
Dan: "No, Valentine's sucks. The only good one I ever had was with..."