Dan: "Serena, why did you stalk me to this restaurant?"
Serena: "I didn't. I am meeting an old crackpot lady to learn about life-long chastity. Why are you at this same restaurant?"
Dan: "Because I am meeting my literary agent, to discuss many literary notions."
Serena: "Well, don't choke on your veal, okay?"
Dan: "Um, okay. Hey, sorry I flaked on you after your heartfelt..."
Serena: "Whatever, dude. It's not like we just met. Very little that you do is actually surprising for anyone."
Waiter: "Have some complimentary Dom Perignon, you lovely couple!"
Old Lady/Alessandra: "We cancel our dates with you!"
Dan: "I feel like this is all just a bit coincidental..."
Serena: "Uh, the part where we both had simultaneous appointments at this one random restaurant, or the part where they both canceled?"
Dan: "Blair is trying to get me to go out with you."
Serena: "On the one hand, it's insulting and confirms my worst fears. On the other hand..."
Gulp! Where'd all that champagne go? Into Serena.
Nate: "Man, you know how I'm stalking that girl to an uncomfortable degree and won't stop bothering and harassing her no matter how many times she asks me to do so?"
Chuck: "Yeah, it's only abusive when I do shit like that. I think it's your eyebrows."
Nate: "Anyway, she's so long-sighted that she actually asked her catering company not to source her to any Spectator parties."
Chuck: "As she's their only employee, I can only imagine what that means about your importance to them as a client. So here's what we're going to do. I'm already having five other parties in the hotel tonight, so what's one more?"
Nate: "You'd do that for me?"
Chuck: "You'll be wearing your old St. Jude's uniform, correct?"
Chuck: "So it's not really 'for' you as much as it's 'for,' um, everybody. Plus, I still don't really understand the difference between romance and being a huge asshole."
Old People: "You two make the cutest couple!"
Dan & Serena: "That's crazy that you think we're a couple. Of course, neither of us have ever seen a movie or read a book, so we'll take that at face value and let our minds wander."
Water: "Complimentary dessert?"
Dan & Serena: "Obnoxiously cute old people... Fake dessert nobody else has on their table... Canceled lunches... Coincidences out the ass, really. Hey, do you think this is Blair's doing? Between the total lack of subtlety, the tone-deaf greeting-card 'romance' signifiers and the egregious amounts of money being pumped into this half-baked scheme, it bears all the earmarks."