EAST EGG

Ivy is about to hotfoot it out of there when CeCe begs her to stay with her because their love is real. At some point Ivy figures out that she's about to have another showdown with the Rhodes Women, but that should be old news to her by now. I guess she just knows Lola's stalking is somehow going to fuck everything up this time.

INSIDE

"Clair's a dictator, and you don't even have a doorman. For her, Brooklyn is just a place for her limo driver to pass through on her way to JFK. Why do you care what she thinks?"

Dan realizes abruptly that it is awkward sitting here with Blair while they listen to a tale of how he is in love with her even though he thinks she's psychotic and that her best friend is a retarded slut, but she won't be dissuaded. It's only once she tries to hold his hand -- you know, how friends do -- that he realizes they're on one of those Insane Blair Dates where even she is not allowed to know that they are on a date, like the time they went to the seaside in adorable outfits.

Lola approaches to ask what it's like when they make out, and Blair alerts her to the existence of Gossip Girl, a popular website for those In The Know. This, of course, radically recontextualizes Lola's existence. (Also, Blair: "Log on and learn everything you need to know about me, stat. But you can skip my entire freshman year of college." WORD. But then, N.B., if you build it right in the first place you never have to hang a lantern on it.) Blair, of course, then takes the kissing question as an opportunity to make out with Dan some more, so of course Serena walks in at precisely this time, because subconscious agendas have been second to blind coincidence for a few years now on this show. She stomps off, giant hoof feet shaking the place to its foundations.

Blair tries to bullshit Serena yet again about this, but Serena is over it. They have a fairly yucky conversation in which Serena's stupid point -- that nothing matters when you are in love -- is somehow supported by Blair's point, which is correct but expressed in such a loony, shitty way that it makes Serena look like the stable adult, to wit: "We're not servants to our emotions! We can control them! Suppress them! Stomp them out like bugs!"