HOSPITAL

Ivy explains CeCe's condition quickly to her daughters, admitting that she's been in hiding up in East Egg since the car accident, and Carol hisses and digs her nails into her fake daughter's flesh. After a short break for Dan drama, below, Ivy tries to explain how her love of CeCe is real and how she was an accomplice to the secret cancer the second she recognized CeCe's symptoms and medications a while back, but Carol isn't hearing it. Luckily, Ivy points out that "Charlie" couldn't just leave the hospital without a word, so she's at least safe staying with her fake grandma for a little longer.

UCB

Meanwhile Alessandra shows up -- not because this is an event entirely based upon a book that she represents, which would actually make sense -- but because Karp has discovered that Dan's new book is a sham. Meanwhile, Dan is signing copies of his book in the lobby, thanks to the nobody who asked him to do so. They discuss how this could have happened, and Dan admits the embarrassing truth that he only had the one cuneiform tablet of his proposal, and no backups. Instead of simply emailing Karp the copy she's already read, Alessandra runs around like a lunatic while Dan calmly settles in to watch the play. But after noting the Shahtoosh scarf around her neck and the lemon wedge in her mouth. At some point Alessandra realizes that this storyline is ridiculous, and heads back to the office to fix the situation, while Dan promises to go home and make a separate illuminated parchment manuscript as quickly as possible.

Sabrina: "When did you forget who you are? You wanted to be the most powerful woman in America... Only there's nothing powerful about you right now... You always get this way when you're around Charlie Trout."
Blair/Clair: "I don't know who I am without him, Sabrina."
(Dan: "You guys are doing a really good job here, making fun of this. In no way. When you're insecure about your writing, non-funny non-mocking is the only kind of criticism you'll accept.")
Sabrina: "Look, I get it. I do. You're afraid of what people might think if you change your mind, but you can't care about them. You never used to. You're Clair Carlyle. You're in control of your own destiny! And most of Manhattan's."
Blair/Clair: "How did you get so smart?"
Sabrina: "Can't take the credit. It's Dylan."