...Ugh. That's enough of that, thank you very much. Bleep-bloop.

Sabrina: "Dan is in love with you! He loves you for you! Your behavior isn't something you're accountable for when you date a paternalistic asshole, because his opinion of women is already so low!"
Blair: "Oh, now I get it! Dan is in love with me. Just wasn't understanding that before. Didn't quite figure it out. Thanks, Upright Citizens Brigade!"

She bounces and they're all like, "How unprofessional that girl -- whom none of us know, and is not part of our group, and was a bitch since the second she showed up -- is acting! Mmmmaybe we were too hasty in casting her in the middle of our production."

HOSPITAL

Lola: "Mom?"
Carol: "Charlie?"
Lily: "Lola?"
Lola: "Ivy?"
Serena: "Charlie?"
Ivy: "Charlie?"
Charlie: "Charlie?"
Charlie: "Charlie?"

Serena points out that none of them believed Max even though he kept saying the same crazy story over and over without deviating from the details and even had physical proof to back it up, and then they all turn on Ivy, who forces Carol to explain the whole big lie. Somehow, even though Carol once again takes the initiative to call all of them assholes, they are still angrier at Ivy, I guess because they are Rhodes Women and they all hate CeCe and they can't believe anybody would hang out with anybody except for money.

"That old bitch is going to die looking up at the resentful faces of her two hateful daughters the way God intended, she doesn't need you by her side! Do not question our WASPy ways!"

EMPIRE

Dan comes in screaming about the scarf and the whole thing, and Chuck shows his hand by admitting that he's coming at Dan hard because of Blair... Which confirms for Dan that not only is he in the running, but he's on top. It is a fairly swag moment. Before he can go be mean to her some more, though, seems like somebody finally remembered to call him -- the only other person in this family that CeCe actually likes -- about her impending death.

HOSPITAL

Serena: "I'm having a shitty day and I'm pissed at Blair, so every sweet and rational thing you say just enrages me more!"
Ivy: "I never really had a family. You were so good to me, like a big sister I never had. I really care about you guys."
Serena: "GGGGGGGGRAH!"