Gossip Girl
Cross Rhodes

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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The Truth About Charlie

DUMBO

Rufus: "Don't mind me, I just snuck over here to wear this jacket Lily won't let me wear."
Dan: "Good, because it's horrid!"
Propmaster: "If by 'horrid' you mean 'a perfectly fine duffle coat with cute buttons that looks adorable on him,' then yes."
Rufus: "Are you still in love with Blair?"
Dan: "I am keeping my distance. She's married, and in love with five other people on this show. Also, Serena is being a bitch about it."

Rufus: "And as for your book?"
Dan: "It's a subtle metaphor of anachronism and literary playfulness in which today's surveillance and social networking culture is worked into an alternate history version of Manhattan-as-Monarchy. Sort of a New Gilded Age for the CW set."
Rufus: "I hope nobody gets ahold of it and turns it into a painfully literal interpretation of that. That would really be a loss for the world at large."
Dan: "Nobody who really loves or understands the franchise would ever do that. I'm sure we're fine."

CHEZ WALDORF

Blair tries to apologize for kissing Dan in Chuck's bedroom for everyone to see, but Serena is not having it. They are surrounded by a sumptuous breakfast feast straight out of The Tempest, for some reason, even though they will never touch the food. Serena is not interested in her mess -- even trying an ill-advised and out-of-character remark about Blair's clothes -- and then before you know it, stupid old Dorota has justified herself for once, locking those bitches in the formal dining room until they work it out.

EMPIRE

Now that Lola's on the case to figuring out Ivy's game, she's given up avoiding Nate's creepy stalking behaviors, and is returning the serve. After learning that Nate hooked up with her, Lola's even more interesting in figuring out the real deal. Chuck walks in talking about how he has a date with Humphrey to walk their pretend baby, Monkey, and Nate notices that Lola's carrying a copy of Inside, the thinly veiled work of fiction that chronicles the family she doesn't remember growing up with.

Apparently hardworking Lola is in the UCB, and they're "mocking" it -- which for some reason on this show means "solemnly reading it aloud while the audience sits quietly and respectfully" -- which Dan thanks is great, because he thinks only of himself and loves the idea of a room of people all doing that at the same time. He asks if he can break his date with Chuck, but not before Chuck assures him that their bromance is fine despite the Blair-kissing thing, because he is quote "a sadist, not a masochist." (Both Nate and Dan join the Upright Citizens Brigade when he says this.)

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