ALL THE SAD YOUNG LITERARY AGENCY LLC
Chuck shows up to ravish Alessandra so she doesn't notice that the proposal she already read and approved has now been transformed into something banal, and he is totally charming and funny and sexy, because this is the first fun thing he's gotten to do since around the time he got shot in Prague.
Dan meets all the people and congratulates them on getting to read his words, and then admits to Lola that he was once forced to fingerbang Ivy and call her "Serena" while she was wearing Serena's debutante gown, which is odd when you think about it, because we're given to understand that she was only pretending to be crazy that time. True commitment is the hallmark of a born star.
Nate calls Lola, having noticed that she's now stalking his friends using his own phone and then lying to his face about it, but since it's Nate all she has to say is, "I'll explain later" and he calms down. Dan's trying to get ahold of Alessandra -- who is busily blowing Chuck at this time -- and then gets distracted by the sudden, manic arrival of Blair Waldorf, who is still carrying around that antediluvian MacGuffin known as Dan's Big Book Of Physical Blu-ray Discs.
Dan repeatedly spits in Blair's face and tells her he doesn't want to spend time with her anymore, and then she attacks a girl for wearing a headband. It's an odd joke that doesn't land, because it's just a headband, but I guess the point is that Blair is a bitch. FYI.
Lily welcomes Carol into her home unannounced, and is too drunk to notice that Carol's asking unbelievably searching questions about the love lives of Serena's clique for some reason, and then they talk about how much they all love Ivy even though Lily and Rufus flaked on her so bad she fled back to VITAMIN WATER last time. Serena tries to explain Blair's Dan plan to them, but it makes so little sense that she realizes she's been played for a rube, and then heads off to discover Dan and Blair doing some serendipitous thing that will spur the drama forward. Left alone, Lily attacks Carol with an icepick, but they are distracted by the news that CeCe is about to drop dead.
Ivy is about to hotfoot it out of there when CeCe begs her to stay with her because their love is real. At some point Ivy figures out that she's about to have another showdown with the Rhodes Women, but that should be old news to her by now. I guess she just knows Lola's stalking is somehow going to fuck everything up this time.