Gossip Girl
Cross Rhodes

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
The Truth About Charlie


"Clair's a dictator, and you don't even have a doorman. For her, Brooklyn is just a place for her limo driver to pass through on her way to JFK. Why do you care what she thinks?"

Dan realizes abruptly that it is awkward sitting here with Blair while they listen to a tale of how he is in love with her even though he thinks she's psychotic and that her best friend is a retarded slut, but she won't be dissuaded. It's only once she tries to hold his hand -- you know, how friends do -- that he realizes they're on one of those Insane Blair Dates where even she is not allowed to know that they are on a date, like the time they went to the seaside in adorable outfits.

Lola approaches to ask what it's like when they make out, and Blair alerts her to the existence of Gossip Girl, a popular website for those In The Know. This, of course, radically recontextualizes Lola's existence. (Also, Blair: "Log on and learn everything you need to know about me, stat. But you can skip my entire freshman year of college." WORD. But then, N.B., if you build it right in the first place you never have to hang a lantern on it.) Blair, of course, then takes the kissing question as an opportunity to make out with Dan some more, so of course Serena walks in at precisely this time, because subconscious agendas have been second to blind coincidence for a few years now on this show. She stomps off, giant hoof feet shaking the place to its foundations.

Blair tries to bullshit Serena yet again about this, but Serena is over it. They have a fairly yucky conversation in which Serena's stupid point -- that nothing matters when you are in love -- is somehow supported by Blair's point, which is correct but expressed in such a loony, shitty way that it makes Serena look like the stable adult, to wit: "We're not servants to our emotions! We can control them! Suppress them! Stomp them out like bugs!"

So somehow a conversation that started out being about the selfishness of romance and not pushing your agenda or projections on other people became about ... how you should always do those things. Anyway, Serena is about to drop the mic a third time, but then somebody thinks to call her about how CeCe is going to die at the end of the episode. It's like Ten Little Indians plus the Party At The End Of The Episode, but you put them together and it's just people rushing to the hospital for the least emotional death ever portrayed on this show.

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Gossip Girl




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