Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
Fever Started Long Ago

Raina introduces Chuck to Stuart Fuji, "He's in the film business" she says, which I think might be a great joke if it means what I think it means, and then Chuck hustles her away from him so he can apologize for not trusting her. How many times do we cover the fact that Raina always tells the truth? Well, in this particular scene, three times. If this were a drinking game you'd be dead now. Chuck, though, sort of turns it around into awesome: "Raina, you're trying to take my company. How can I just trust you? You'd think less of me if I did!" He's right, but she still plays it all, "I couldn't think less of you than I do right now," so he explains further that it's the Bart Bass of it all making him act crazy, and she's like, "Still, you insulted me. Because I always tell the truth, and I never lie."

Ben finally locates Eric, who is downstairs in the foyer being suspicious with Damien. Damien works the angle by caressing Eric's face and getting territorial with his hair and generally being sketch and totally hot all at the same time, and runs off to get Eric, whom he calls "Babe," a drink. Chills everywhere on everybody. Even Serena is impressed: "Uh... So you're Damien's Babe now?" Yeah, have you met Damien Dalgaard? It's the most realistic thing that ever happened. Don't question it. The fact that it's a ruse -- which I still refuse to completely believe -- is the only thing that makes more sense than it being a reality.

"You Williamsburg Weasel!" Blair yells, and Dan's response is that he assumed she was going to screw him, because he still doesn't understand how B actually works. "Hillary Clinton is one of my role models. I do not break treaties, you ass." She runs off to tattle to Epperly, and he grabs her arm, and she... It's amazing, she sort of inexorably smoooooshes his face slowly, Cirque de Soleil slowly, pushes the face, pushes the face, and while you're being wowed by that oddly balletic move, things get moving super fast and then suddenly they are wrestling on the floor in front of God and everybody. Stefano shows up and he's like, "I'm on the list!" Epperly leads him into the party -- literally stepping over the prone and wriggling bodies of our heroes -- and assures them they are totally fired.

The Captain sweetly assures Nate that Chuck is family, and he would never hurt him, even though working with the Thorpes is already a (quote) "total contradiction," and but anyway what about Chuck boning Raina? Nate's like, "Shit, things are so fucking confusing all the time." Then the Captain, this is his glistening dialogue right here: "You know what? I think I'd rather live in a halfway house than live with someone who only halfway trusts me." Oh Captain my Captain, the wordplay of you.

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Gossip Girl




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