Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
Fever Started Long Ago

Serena chases Ben all over the damn place screaming at him about they are FRIENDS and she wants to be his FRIEND and he's like, "I just want to forget you and the circumstances of my incarceration, what part of that is confusing? When I look at you I see a bunch of shit that was not my fault and a lot of things I'm not proud of. It is not healthy." Serena's like, "But look: It would make me feel a lot better." Plus, you know, he was just "amazing" with Eric or whatever and talked him into a minor breakdown, so clearly he hasn't changed that much. Ben assures her that he has changed, and also that she's not imagining that he is avoiding her, because he is avoiding her, because she keeps doing that head-trauma sex face at him, and then he cuts the crap: "I don't want to be with you. I didn't reciprocate back then, and I don't now." Serena literally jerks at this, having never heard shit remotely like that in her entire life, and smoke comes out of her works, and she suddenly has a feeling:

"I'm not heartbroken, I'm humiliated! I was falling for someone who wants nothing to do with me!" Blair's like, "Right, like I kept telling you. And anyway listen to my problem, which is that I'm going to be murdering your brother/lover some time soon." Of course, that's when Epperly calls, and is all put-together and sophisticated some more, and then Blair has her job back. "You know what I just remembered? If you really want something, you don't stop for anyone or anything until you get it."

This is the only part of the conversation that Serena actually pays attention to, because what she hears is: "You need to hound Ben to the ends of the earth. Admit no quarter. He will be yours. Act fucking psycho if you have to. This is your new mission in life. Start with making it everybody else's problem, like you were going to anyway." Done and done.

Rufus takes Ben for coffee, of course, and thanks him for being fatherly with Eric, and apologizes for how Lily has sort of made it her raison d'etre to push him to the fucking brink. Ben's like, "Please do not offer me more money, it's gross when you guys do that." But oh no, Rufus has a much more horrible plan: "I've got this loft in DUMBO, here are the keys." Does anybody live there? "No, I mean, just my son who is Serena's brother and occasionally fucks her, but you won't even notice the person living in the house that I just gave you. Oh, I guess I should notify Dan that I just gave his house to an ex-con." Ben actually thinks about it, even though he should fucking know by now to stay away from these people.

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Gossip Girl




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