Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
Fever Started Long Ago

While Epperly drones ("Focus on your work ethic, not your wardrobe") Dan and Blair hiss and claw at each other quietly in the back. "You don't know the difference between Rodarte and road kill!" she says, even though half the time neither do they. "You'll be guillotined!" Dan points out that he's going to be making copies, not styling celebutantes, and Blair offers to staple his tongue to his shoulder blade. She tries to bus-throw by pointing out that Dan -- who is wearing a classic Rufus cowl-neck sweater, btw -- is the scrunchy-girl who wanted to work for The New Yorker. Epperly's tail starts wagging about that, though, because W is a magazine for writers now. They even have a blog! And a party to introduce the blog! And Lynn Hirschberg's writing the intro to the blog! And everything's comin' up Humphrey!

Eric gets home from "coffee" at Damien's and is appalled to see Jonathan there, but even moreso once Lily jumps on him about how where he's been sleeping. "And don't say Elliot's, I called over there and spoke to his mother." Didja, Lily? Is that how it went down?

"Hey, Mrs. Elliott, it's Lily -- Eric's mother? I was just wondering if our teenage sons spent the night under your roof, having gay sex with each other right down the hall from your bedroom. I'm sure hoping so. Oh, they broke up in Gstaad? That's a shame, I was really hoping to have Elliott over next week for a frank family discussion about using only water-based lubricants. I was thinking of making it a potluck!"

"I didn't want to share a huge fact from my life? I wonder where I got that gene from." CeCe Rhodes, it's all about CeCe. Lily puts down her teacup and starts taking off her earrings and she verbatim goes, "Now you listen to me" and it's sort of amazing, but then Jonathan sends her out of the room. Out of her own living room. Just like that. Which I cannot believe anybody, even Jonathan, would do. First because he's in punching range, and second because what was she actually going to do? Something fabulous, I assume.

"Are you okay? What's going on with you and your mother?" Eric's like, "Like you care! You dumped me! Just because I ruined your life a couple times and then stole some girl's boyfriend! How dare you ask how I'm doing?" Jonathan's like, "Okay, but I'm here now, and you are acting insane." Eric almost starts crying, because as usual the Rhodes thing has been exhausting for him, and then Jonathan swoops in there and Eric agrees to bring him as his date to the big part of the episode, aka shortcut to horror. I imagine the next thing was, "Why does your neck smell like exchange student Eurotrash?"

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Gossip Girl




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